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Empathy and compassion

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Coll
Posts: 46
Joined: 11 months ago

Empathy and compassion

Post by Coll » 11 months ago

People that have dealt with difficulties are thought to be more compassionate and have empathy for those facing difficulties.  I'm finding that in many ways this isn't really true.  There sometimes appears to be an attitude of, " I've dealt with it, why can't you? "  Or then the comparison game. 
I'm learning that I can share my experience and listen.  I can make suggestions but need to realize I don't know the whole story so don't argue.  It is not my job to fix their problem, not pass judgement on them if they can't fix it.
I'm learning this from the pain I feel when told I just need do something or I'm being weak because something bothers me.
It would be so much better if someone would just agree with me that my feelings are okay and sometimes you just don't get over things.
Last edited by Coll on Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ragman
Posts: 84
Joined: 3 years ago

Post by Ragman » 11 months ago

Your feeling are ok, and no, you often do not get over things.    Some can, others can't, and it the sensitivity of the person that  dictates it.  If you are very sensitive, everything will stay with you.  Any time you want to chat about anything you are hanging up on,  If I am online, chat with me,  I will try help. 
when they tell you that you are weak, it usually means you grasp the truth, and hold it - that takes strength, not weakness. 

Cactus Jack
Posts: 23
Joined: 3 years ago

Post by Cactus Jack » 10 months ago

[quote="Coll"]People that have dealt with difficulties are thought to be more compassionate and have empathy for those facing difficulties.  I'm finding that in many ways this isn't really true.  There sometimes appears to be an attitude of, " I've dealt with it, why can't you? "  Or then the comparison game.  [/quote]
Sometimes they are and sometimes they aren't.  They're human.  They're different.  They are unique.  All in their own ways.  Yeah there is a connection, but sometimes people are so arrogant in their own ways, they just don't see or perhaps even they simply do not care.

I am that way in my own sense.  You see, I am on occasion "hard" on other disabled people, because I feel that sometimes they're too soft about the issues they complain about.  Is that the right thing to say or think?  "Too soft"?  No, I think that we, as disabled people, need to have a thicker skin than the "norms", but we must also have softer hearts, too.

[quote="Coll"]I'm learning that I can share my experience and listen.  I can make suggestions but need to realize I don't know the whole story so don't argue.  It is not my job to fix their problem, not pass judgement on them if they can't fix it.[/quote]
It is good to share and to listen.  And sometimes it helps to play the devil's advocate.  The skill to learn here is discernment. 

[quote="Coll"]I'm learning this from the pain I feel when told I just need do something or I'm being weak because something bothers me.[/quote]
You are not weak.

[quote="Coll"]It would be so much better if someone would just agree with me that my feelings are okay and sometimes you just don't get over things.[/quote]
Your feelings are ok, no matter what other say.  As for not getting over things, there are some things in life that are just that way.  If they don't understand that and judge you based on that, then to hell with them.

AdamScott
Posts: 1
Joined: 10 months ago

Post by AdamScott » 9 months ago

Ragman wrote: Your feeling are ok, and no, you often do not get over things.  taledc.com info on the penimaster pro can, others can't, and it the sensitivity of the person that  dictates it.  If you are very sensitive, everything will stay with you.  Any time you want to chat about anything you are hanging up on,  If I am online, chat with me,  I will try help.
I think you're right, we should all try and have a bit more empathy for people struggling. Even if we have struggled ourselves.
Last edited by AdamScott on Fri Jul 28, 2017 12:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Coll
Posts: 46
Joined: 11 months ago

Post by Coll » 3 months ago

Thank you all for your support.  I read them earlier but was not in a place I could respond emotionally.

JuliusMal
Posts: 1
Joined: 1 month ago

Post by JuliusMal » 1 month ago

I hope you're doing better. I completely understand what you were saying.

Coll
Posts: 46
Joined: 11 months ago

Post by Coll » 1 month ago

My life is on a roller coaster. The therapy for my PTSD is opening some buried hurts that I need to deal with while my physical problems are increasing.

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