I am astonished by how people react to me because of my impairments and experience.
case in point- college. I have returned to college. And with me being 45, it's not hard, but it sure is tough.
You see, years back I used to be a major horn-dog. If it moved I...we...you get the idea. Always legal, always consensual, always of legal age, blah blah blah. So I learned certain flags women give off if they're "fair game".
So here I am at college. And I meet the hot young women on the soccer team. And...about 1/3 off the team gives off these "flags". Cool! Except...I'm not looking for that. I just want a platonic relationship. <beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!> Big problem.
When I see these flags, I distance myself from them. Good god! I'm old enough to be their daddy! I know for a fact if I was their age I'd be on them like flies on shit. But I'm not and I don't. I distance myself from them so nothing DOES happen.
I have been criticised over this because I'm direct about it. I have been told by other guys that I'm seeing things wrong. They girls really don't want to f*.
So I'm like "Ok. No problem. Because I don't want to either!" I just want friends. Platonic friends.
And they don't.
God does that hurt so much inside. I want so much to cry. I have Traumatic Brain Injury and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. And because of the first I can't cry as much as the last wants.
And people just don't understand.
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4 posts • Page 1 of 1
Yes, I can understand your pain. Do you have friends who also have disabilities or impairments? Sometimes people do not want to be rude but they don't know how to react. I suppose if a person do not have direct experiences he/she will not be able to empathize. You seem to be doing really good so take your time and do not rush in to a relationship unless you are absolutely sure about this.
I'm in the same boat as you. I have not cried, or laughed out loud in years, but the feeling are still inside, and it hurts a lot.
"Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it. "
Eino I cannot say i understand your disability but i can relate it to 'gunny sacking' where people do not see my feelings only i do and yes it is painful.sometimes it is better they do not see my feelings as it would only hurt them. please keep in touch- karen