Astonishing

[Cactus Jack]

I am astonished by how people react to me because of my impairments and experience.
case in point- college.  I have returned to college.  And with me being 45, it's not hard, but it sure is tough.

You see, years back I used to be a major horn-dog.  If it moved I...we...you get the idea.  Always legal, always consensual, always of legal age, blah blah blah.  So I learned certain flags women give off if they're "fair game".

So here I am at college.  And I meet the hot young women on the soccer team.  And...about 1/3 off the team gives off these "flags".  Cool!  Except...I'm not looking for that.  I just want a platonic relationship.  <beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!>  Big problem.

They don't.

When I see these flags, I distance myself from them.  Good god!  I'm old enough to be their daddy!  I know for a fact if I was their age I'd be on them like flies on shit.  But I'm not and I don't.  I distance myself from them so nothing DOES happen.

I have been criticised over this because I'm direct about it.  I have been told by other guys that I'm seeing things wrong.  They girls really don't want to f*.

So I'm like "Ok.  No problem.  Because I don't want to either!"  I just want friends.  Platonic friends.
And they don't.

God does that hurt so much inside.  I want so much to cry.  I have Traumatic Brain Injury and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.  And because of the first I can't cry as much as the last wants.

And people just don't understand.

[Riya]

Yes, I can understand your pain. Do you have friends who also have disabilities or impairments? Sometimes people do not want to be rude but they don't know how to react.  I suppose if a person do not have direct experiences he/she will not be able to empathize. You seem to be doing really good so take your time and do not rush in to a relationship unless you are absolutely sure about this.

[Eino]

I'm in the same boat as you. I have not cried, or laughed out loud in years, but the feeling are still inside, and it hurts a lot. 

[Kay]

Eino I cannot say i understand your disability but i can relate it to 'gunny sacking' where people do not see my feelings only i do and yes it is painful.sometimes it is better they do not see my feelings as it would only hurt them. please keep in touch- karen