Disabilities-R-Us

I live on my own with two roommates.  We each hire our own staff by going through a home health agency.  The aides get paid through the agency but we are the supervisors.  I am finding supervising very challenging especially when the people who work with you has to take care of my personal needs.  Does anyone have the same issue?  I would like some feedback or suggestions. 

Hi Kimber101,

All you can do is develop a level of arrogance that allows you to be served by others. It is hard first being looked after if you are not used to it, but if it needs to happen, you have to be able to let it. You deserve help - I deserve help, we have both have things we are physically unable to do, but need doing, so we need physical help from other people. They have to be directed in the way YOU need to have things done, or they will do them the way they think they should.

They are able bodied, so are clueless as to what a disabled person actually needs, so do the easiest thing they can. I have been in need of assistance in most things domestic, for twenty years - I can't remember the amount of day care workers I have had go through my life - they are vaguely kind, not particularly attentive to my needs, but do as they are told, most of the time. The only way I can manage to have them in the house, is if I tell them exactly what I want doing, when I want it doing. They come to serve me, not control me, or fit me into their idea of whatever. You have to develop the sense of right - they are here to help you, not to garner thanks from you. They are servants, even if they do not see themselves that way - you direct them, they obey. You can do this in a friendly way, or in a businesslike way, but you have to do it. If you don't your life will start to get very frustrating - I have been there, done that and it is not nice.

I think that this is something that can only come from within you – I cannot pretend that this is going to be easy (I would never dismiss anything like that) but I think that the only change that you can make it mental. I hope that you have since found it a bit easier to deal with.

Thank you,  both for the advice.    You gave lots to think about and realize.   

Hi Kimber101, what do you think?
Sound like you do have lots of experience and knowledge about getting help when you need it. With me being in a wheelchair I never really expected to need assistance with anything. That said, I have a wife and live in a 3 bedroom house, which I rented to two people. I fell ill to gangreen in my butt two years ago and needed 24 hours care for 3 months. Luckily, my two friends moved in and took care of me. Since then they have stayed in my house rent free and no desire to work or pay any rent, like leachess. This is okay wth me so long as everyone is happy with their life. They like living, eating, and taking care of the house, and I like having company with help around the house, a trade off. In two months I will retire from work and be home full time. I think things will change then and I will have to plan a new future with or without them, what do you think.