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Looking for friends

Looking for love or just new friends? This is the place to meet them and greet them.
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Aubrey
Posts: 1
Joined: 1 year ago

Looking for friends

Post by Aubrey » 1 year ago

Hello I'm a 26 female paraplegic who lives with a 9 year old spinal cord injury. I would just like to meet other paras around my age to be friends with. I live in a really rural area of the u.s. so I don't know a lot of people with my type of injury. I just want to meet other women with spinal cord injuries to be friends with.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago

Aubrey, It's nice to meet you. I think I must be the complete opposite of what you're looking for. I'm a middle-aged man in the Northeast. I am what I think would be called a tetraplegic- a person who cannot use their limbs due to an illness. For the sake of discussion I usually just refer to myself as a quadriplegic. The biggest difference is that I have sensation and can wiggle my arms and legs a little. I hope that you can find what you're looking for in terms of friends. I found that speaking with other people that have disabilities, especially wheelchair users, has been a great help to me over the years. I've been disabled for about 10 years now.

Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

I think that for me it doesn't matter the age or gender as much as the real understanding of what it is like living with limited mobility and independence.
Five years ago I went from a fairly active retired person enjoying teaching first graders and substituting once in a while at the uni, to 8 months flat on my back then the loss of a leg and several other problems.
The learning to be dependent on others for so much has been a real learning experience.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago

Coll,

I can relate to what you're saying about dependency being a learning experience. It is very humbling and requires a lot of introspection. I am taken care of by my family, but I need to constantly remind myself that they also have needs. I have to be responsible for taking care of my caregivers.

Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

My husband is my primary caregiver.  He went from not knowing how to make a sandwich to having to do most the cooking.  He has adapted fairly well.  He has been apologetic about how much work he expected of me before I got ill.
At the moment though I'm in isolation with a nurse full time.  The nurse is fixing my food so he only had to take care of himself.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago

Coll,
what do you mean by "in isolation"? I hope that it's nothing serious

I'm fortunate to be healthy enough to remain fairly active. I'm able to drive a highly modified car and I work part-time in the schools from September to June. It gets a little harder every year. Right now I'm enjoying the summer. I go for walks on the roads and bike trails in my town and I spend a lot of time in my garden. I'm unable to do the gardening myself, but I am able to find people to help. The tomatoes are doing well this year and I'm hoping to be harvesting some soon.

Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

I'm in an isolation bubble because I got an infection.  I rarely go anywhere because if I get a bacterial infection it could kill me. Since I live in a fairly isolated area in the mountains there is little risk of catching something from other people and we do keep the house fairly sanitized.  Today I was allowed out of the bubble to go out on the deck after the nurse supervised the house keeper sterilizing it.  If my white cell count stays down I'll be let out of the bubble in a few days.

I was able to drive for awhile after losing my leg until I had a fall that messed up my other hip.  We have talked about getting a car that I could drive but my husband is afraid it would put me at risk.  I'm still trying to convince him that being stuck at home all the time is slowly destroying me.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago

I read somewhere that people who drive a modified vehicles are statistically safer drivers than the able-bodied. I can't remember where I read it, so take it for what it's worth. My car is high-tech with computer controls, but if you have the use of your arms and hands, you should be able to get mechanical hand controls for what I would consider to be a reasonable cost. I'm still relatively young and not being able to drive would make me crazy.

I'm glad to hear that you're on the mend. Hopefully you'll be able to get out and about and enjoy the end of the summer.

Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

Louie,
It has nothing to do with my driving.  I believe it is more his fear of losing me.  As long as he can keep me safely in our home he thinks he can keep me safe.  He spent three days hearing the doctors saying that I might not make it out of the trauma room.  My son days that the two weeks while I was in a coma he was a total basket case. Now he treats me like a delicate piece of China.  LOL
Frustrates me no end.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago


Coll,
My wife sometimes goes too far in trying to protect me. Its not the same as what you're going through, but it can be very frustrating. She is well intentioned and it comes from the fact that she loves me,but it makes me appear weak or stupid. I put a lot of energy into presenting myself as a person rather than a wheelchair and overprotectiveness doesn't help.
It could be worse though, I know people who are alone. I consider myself lucky.
Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

Yes Louie, we need to be thankful for their love and caring even when it drives us crazy.

grace123
Posts: 1
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by grace123 » 1 year ago

Hi .. I'm 24 and my sci injury occurred 4 years ago. I'm from Ireland so quiet far away, but online friends are just as good :) xx

Tony101
Posts: 3
Joined: 1 year ago
Location: Metro New Orleans area

Post by Tony101 » 1 year ago

Yes Louie, too much attention can be aggravating. But as you said, there are those who have no one. I'm one of those people. And though I'm far from it, if I were to die in my sleep, no one would know and it could take a while before it was noticed.

Louie
Posts: 14
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Louie » 1 year ago

November 11, 2017

Tony,

It’s unfortunate that disability and loneliness seem to go hand in hand. I’m lucky to have some family, but I know a lot of disabled people who don’t. When I first became disabled I was surprised at how many of my friends disappeared. I still have a few from the old days and have come to realize that the ones who are gone were not my real friends. I’ve also noticed that the friends I’ve made over the past 10 years tend to be other disabled people. The problem is that we are all in the same boat when it comes to transportation and mobility. Because of that, I tend to communicate with them through the computer and the telephone rather than get together and see them.

It sometimes takes me a while, but I try to see what is going on on this site a couple of times each week. These days I’ve been making an effort to write letters and stay in touch with people through the computer. If you want to post on this site for private message me, I’ll make an effort to respond.

Thanks,
Louie

Coll
Posts: 58
Joined: 1 year ago

Post by Coll » 1 year ago

Our chatroom is almost constantly pretty active. It's a great place to make and talk with friends. We even sometimes get serious.

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