Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

Dealing With Disability Isolation

Nov 11, 1998

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  ChanServ ([email protected])
  Mooooooo ([email protected])
CindyB: Meeting has begun all.
LoneWolf: There are several bills lately that have been put on hold regarding the handicapped
LoneWolf: MICASA
Lily: bills in which country?
wacky: USA lil
deadheadf: usa
LoneWolf: which is a bill to creat a national attendant program
Lily: oh, ok
LoneWolf: on hold
LoneWolf: work on SSI for disabled
LoneWolf: on hold
CindyB: for what reason's is the bill on hold?
LoneWolf: so we need to write our congressmen as soon as possible
LoneWolf: no reasons given
deadheadf: Clinton and Monica thats the reason they say
LoneWolf: hearings were held and no further action has been taken
CindyB: we can write our congressmen, I have the URL
LoneWolf: Thanks to Annie we found a page to locate your Congressmen and find their addresses
LoneWolf: Cindy
CindyB: To contact your local congressmen, go to this URL: http://congress.nw.dc.us/aarp/elecmail.html
CindyB: The directions there are very self explanatory.
CindyB: 1. Option 1 (recommended)
CindyB: Enter your ZIP Code to find and write to your congressional representatives.
deadheadf: write.....but not email
CindyB: 2. Option 2
CindyB: Select a member of the 105th Congress from the lists.
CindyB: Tips:
CindyB: When writing to your member, it is critical that you include your name and address in your mail message, preferably at the top of the message.
CindyB: Many offices use an automatic response to all incoming messages, so you may receive a form message back from most of the addresses to which you send a message.
CindyB: If you do not know the name of your member of Congress, you may use AARP's ZIP search service to find out what district you are in and your member's name.
CindyB: which is option number 1.
CindyB: I can e-mail all this to you if you wish
LoneWolf: good idea
LoneWolf: the number of the MICASA ammendment is H>R>2020
LoneWolf: oops
CindyB: If you need me to send you the direct link URL through e-mail, let me know. It has a list from state to state that has all the house members listed.
LoneWolf: put periods in place of>
CindyB: H.R.2020
LoneWolf: SSI bill i
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LoneWolf: The best way to learn about this is to go to the URL which is http://www.disrights.org/dr-hot.html
LoneWolf: The url for disrights is an excellent site
CindyB: For those of you who aren't on the disabled mailing list, if there are any, Lonewolf found an excellent website. http://www.usatoday.com/life/health/hcare/home/lhhhh011.htm
CindyB: Every state has an agency that can answer residents' questions on home health care. (Note: Many of the 800 numbers may be dialed in-state only.)
LoneWolf: Wacky did you have time to draft a letter?
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CindyB: You can find your states number here if you are in the US.
phoenyxx: I am here :)
LoneWolf: We are talking about disability rightS Simon
wacky: not yet need to know what ppl wanna say they can email their ideas to me at [email protected]
deadhead1: guys I got booted...please repete url
LoneWolf: I found two magazines that can keep us informed also
LoneWolf: Cindy
wacky: http://www.usatoday.com/life/health/hcare/home/lhhhh011.htm
LoneWolf: could you repeat URL's
CindyB: I don't have those dear
LoneWolf: do you need the otheres?
CindyB: I'll e-mail them to the list
CindyB: I sent letters to every journalist about our health care concerns last Wednesday after our meeting. I told them about our health care concerns and ask them if they had any advice or help they could give me.
CindyB: I haven't heard a word from one of them yet. I'm not sure what this means.
LoneWolf: disappointing
phoenyxx: Which magazines?
LoneWolf: Mainstream
CindyB: This must be a very touchy subject to the media
LoneWolf: http://www.mainstream-mag.com
LoneWolf: Ragged Edge
phoenyxx: disability and the media always seems to be weird and inconsistent-
LoneWolf: http://www.ragged-edge-mag.com
phoenyxx: for example:
LoneWolf: These are online publications
phoenyxx: there's not alot of 'everyday' info in the media about or for people with disabilities.
CindyB: Of all the websites I've read up on, ones I've found, Annie's found, and LW's found, they stress highly: Many groups working for the rights of people with disabilities need YOUR input. Things that affect your day to day living. There are groups out they willing to help, but they cannot help us if we do not find them and stress to them what we are going through, and what we need help with.
LoneWolf: Which is why we need to be vocal Simon
CindyB: exactly
phoenyxx: on the other hand, the few examples shown end up being the standards by which the rest of us are expected to live up to.
LoneWolf: Both of those magazines are great means to express ourselves
CindyB: If we want to get things done, we have to truly become involved or find people to get involved, or else we really have nothing to complain about.
LoneWolf: http://www.disrights.org
phoenyxx: Judi: I wished there were ways to be vocal without taking a hard line and thus alienating potential allies and even some of our own.
LoneWolf: contains info on omsbudsmen and avocacy groups
LoneWolf: advocacy
LoneWolf: there is Simon
LoneWolf: that's what these groups are for
LoneWolf: but they need to know what we need
wacky: Best mag is disability rag I have to find see if they have web page
LoneWolf: aarp is a great advocate but they have not returned my query yet
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phoenyxx: the advocacy groups I've encountered spend more energy attacking the rest of the disabled community instead of working for everyone.
LoneWolf: these are concentrating on the bills in front of congress simon
CindyB: not every individual has the same needs, complaints, etc...that's why everyone needs to voice out to these groups
phoenyxx: there is a form of McCarthyism that operates within certain factions of the disabled community.
phoenyxx: we need to counter this.
LoneWolf: possibly but we have to try
LoneWolf: these our are lives
phoenyxx: of course!
CindyB: If the Bill is there waiting, maybe we are the final push it needs!
LoneWolf: does everyone in here know that you will have competent care as you age?
wacky: no but wish I had that security
LoneWolf: wacky, will you always be able to afford your attendant?
LoneWolf: Simon, what if you lose your means of support?
phoenyxx: I worry about that....
phoenyxx: pardon my harsh attitude.
LoneWolf: That's why we have to speak out
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LoneWolf: not harsh Simon
LoneWolf: understood
phoenyxx: I meant that there are alot of us with varying needs, but those needs are all equally valid.
CindyB: exactly
LoneWolf: the important issue right now is to look at these sites
CindyB: but can't be valid if not heard
LoneWolf: write yoyr congressmen
phoenyxx: I get upset when I see support handed out to a few 'annointed' people at the expense of everyone else.
LoneWolf: make your voice heard
LoneWolf: that's an issue I just read about this evening
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deadhead1: Guys I just got off all gov programs...cause of me working...I can only afford one day a month for someone to come in and clean .....This suck...I used to have someone every week
^dl^: Make sure any organization you belong to is lobbying.
Babs: question..Does medicare for attendant care, etc...in the home? this is something I have been had to deal with..
Lily: i wrote the prime minister
wacky: I will tell ppl to email me with concerns on list wolfie
Babs: pay for even
CindyB: you are somebody, all of you..write them, tell them. Not just for you, your friends, family, etc..
LoneWolf: yes dl good point
LoneWolf: good Lily
^dl^: The reason all these special interest groups are so effective is that their members insist upon it.
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phoenyxx: on the subject of losing support, I don't fear losing everything at once as much as I get upset about the way assistance is set up-
LoneWolf: Babs, have you seen the AARP site?
Babs: nope
LoneWolf: OK
LoneWolf: here is another one
^dl^: AARP is one of the most effective, along with NRA, the National Association of Broadcasters, etc.
phoenyxx: the govt. programs want us to work....problem is that it's assumed that we'll all take 'normal' 9-5 jobs. What about people like me working to work for themselves?
LoneWolf: this is numbers to call for each state for home health care
LoneWolf: lol, the one Cindy posted
phoenyxx: I'm working with 2 friends to start a business....no provision in govt. programs for someone going into their own business to phase out assistance.
CindyB: lol
LoneWolf: Cindy, falsh again
LoneWolf: AARP site is only one I didn't write down
phoenyxx: pardon my ramblings.
CindyB: To contact your local congressmen, go to this URL: http://congress.nw.dc.us/aarp/elecmail.html
CindyB: The directions there are very self explanatory.
CindyB: ALl the state numbers are here at this site
LoneWolf: no
LoneWolf: usatoday
deadhead1: with all of these URLs how about posting them after the meeting...I write too slow???
CindyB: I'll also send an e-mail out with these URL's after the meeting.
LoneWolf: http://www.usatoday.com/life/health/hcare/home/1hhh011.htm
wacky: thanx thindy
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LoneWolf: ok
LoneWolf: are you on the list deadheadf?
deadhead1: yes
LoneWolf: Babs?
Babs: yes disabled list
LoneWolf: I will post info
LoneWolf: including Medicare
deadhead1: thx
Babs: thanks lw
LoneWolf: Simon I hear what you are saying'
LoneWolf: Its time tomove though
LoneWolf: healthcare is a crisis in US and we are at the bottom of the barrel
phoenyxx: One other thing about disability assistance and support that needs to be addressed: is it just me or is alot of it so focused on the disability aspect that nothing else about the person fits with it?
LoneWolf: Decisions are being made right now
LoneWolf: don't understand Simon
wacky: repharse Q simon I dont understand
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phoenyxx: I mean that it seems like alot of disability support and assistance is so focused on the disability that everything else about a person gets lost in the 'noise'.
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LoneWolf: We can't afford to be ostriches and put our head in the sand right now
IrishGenn: Good eveing everone.
Lily: brb'
Cindy: ANyone not on the disabled mailing list, let me know so I can get you the URL's and phone numbers too
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IrishGenn: Have I mist much?
LoneWolf: you mean like based on just the disability
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LoneWolf: yes Irish
wacky: good point simon
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phoenyxx: yes, based only on the disability....like the providers of a given resource or service aren't expecting someone to do 'normal' everyday things.
LoneWolf: Meeting will be posted on web page?
phoenyxx: if that makes sense.
LoneWolf: Daniel?
IrishGenn: What is tonight about Please?
LoneWolf: healthcare cont
IrishGenn: Helthcare?
CindyB: Healthcare and Isolation of Disabled
phoenyxx: For example: I qualify to have an attendant come by but the problem is that the timing is right in the middle of important activities I do.
LoneWolf: Irish if you are not on the list please sign up we are going to be sending out a lot of URL's
IrishGenn: I hate that 2nd part
CindyB: Isolation?
IrishGenn: yes
phoenyxx: I can't stay home all the time or just stop writing from 4 to 6pm each day :)
LoneWolf: In other words you have to rearrange your schedule
IrishGenn: I hardly get out of my house.
phoenyxx: yes!
IrishGenn: Oh sorry Wolf.
LoneWolf: you have a computer though Irish-that's all ya need
IrishGenn: How do I do that.
IrishGenn: Thanks
CindyB: I see Isolation is a big subject for a lot of people
LoneWolf: read minutes of meeting
IrishGenn: And I do have a disabity. My Spelling, HEHE no I can't walk.
LoneWolf: Lets move on to part 2 as Cindy suggested
CindyB: Don't worry about spelling, get the point across
IrishGenn: I 2nd
IrishGenn: ok thanks Cindy
wacky: The most isolating part is the fact of no family support
Lily: i used to feel very isolated
CindyB: Irish, tell us about your Isolation concerns?
LoneWolf: #1?
wacky: I am 20 min away and dont talk to any
IrishGenn: I live at home and I don't get out much.
phoenyxx: Another example of what I was saying: I have been really getting involved with various creative works. The main problem is that I have found myself rejected by the disabled community because my creativity comes from other areas and not soley from my disability.
IrishGenn: and I just had my frist boyfriend at the age of 26.
Lily: is hard to get out in winter here
phoenyxx: My apologies. I do get out most of the time. I am sorry about that.
LoneWolf: Have you experienced feelings of isolation from your disability? If so, how?
IrishGenn: Same for me Lily, I get sick in the winter.
deadhead1: My problem is that after work....I am too weak to go out and be with friends...people just don't understand that
LoneWolf: well I never get out
Lily: i dont get sick, but walking bad on ice and snow
IrishGenn: My parents would do anything for me, it kills them to see me at home.
IrishGenn: I rememeber
phoenyxx: Not large scale isolation but small problems have arisen like not being able to do some activities 'on the fly' or without advance planning sometimes.
IrishGenn: I did walk mean yrs ago
CindyB: question 2
CindyB: 2. How have you dealt with those feelings?
LoneWolf: I live 12 miles from town-too far
wacky: my situation unique tho i was injured and became disabled by family member and it is denied swept under rug no one wants to think about it so we dont talk
phoenyxx: I have friends and my parents to help though.
deadhead1: I understand that Simon
LoneWolf: Irish I used to walk too
phoenyxx: how I deal with it: My friends live close by so I can ride with them or they can come by here, and my parents have been very helpful.
LoneWolf: Those feelings are sad
IrishGenn: You want to now How I feel. I feel like I'm dead to alot of ppl.
wacky: walkings overated
CindyB: How do you all deal with this? Computer? Best friend? Self help?
LoneWolf: Irish I think youu just summed it all up
IrishGenn: this has help me.
deadhead1: Bri beyond your family and the computer friends do you have other people around???
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IrishGenn: I was not even ask to at one time Best Friends wedding.
Babs: I have alot of family support and i still drive myself places but winter can be a depressing time when I need to stay in out of the cold, etc...due to catching pneumonia
phoenyxx: I can plan trips for appointments and shopping with the lift van service, and my parents and friends can help with 'last minute' things like getting together to go out or to get me extra groceries.
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wacky: Yes carrie I am very active
wacky: ask lily
IrishGenn: I can't drive it cost why to much and we don't have that kind of money.
phoenyxx: I hang out with friends as much as possible to keep active.
LoneWolf: Feelings of isolation lead to despair and depression
phoenyxx: I apologize again.
LoneWolf: Lily are you more depresssed in the winter?
IrishGenn: but some friends get TIRED Of being your only friend.
CindyB: question 3: 3. Does isolation equal withdrawal from friends and family?
deadhead1: Good Bri outside friends are life savers
Lily: o, yes carrie, hes very active
^Scooter^: Hi....
IrishGenn: It does if you sleep all day.
IrishGenn: and up all night.
LoneWolf: for me it has meant loss of friends
wacky: If I kept my life here carrie I would be a cripple
LoneWolf: My family is supportive
LoneWolf: Irish are you depressed?
IrishGenn: Mine to Wolf.
wacky: pardon the word choice
IrishGenn: yes I am a great deal.
IrishGenn: sorry
phoenyxx: again I apologize for making inconsistent and contradictory statements. disabled and yet active, I know that does not make sense.
LoneWolf: Simon no more apologizing-you are fine
deadhead1: Bri....you are one strong dude
wacky: i think in my case being away from my family is best
phoenyxx: and if it means anything, I accept payback at all opportunities.
LoneWolf: yes Bri I agree
CindyB: . What positive steps can we take to lessen these feelings?
wacky: thanks wolfie
IrishGenn: I was gone 1 time awhy from my Parents and it was the BEST 7 Days.
LoneWolf: Can I offer a suggestion?
IrishGenn: sure
deadhead1: make sure this chat room is always available....
wacky: change ur defiunition of family my friends ARE my family
LoneWolf: I was very depressed
LoneWolf: Felt suicidal
phoenyxx: positive steps for me are to simply keep going, get out, do things, not worry about my situation all the time. I accept my limitations and have done a great job adapting and performing despite them.
Lily: good, wacky
LoneWolf: My son forced me to use thois computer
CindyB: phoenyxx, thats wonderful
wacky: I challenge my limits simon
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LoneWolf: now, I'm so busy I don't have enough hours in the day
IrishGenn: phoneyxx,I stop walking at the age of 10 and I never was sent to re hab.
LoneWolf: Irish, Simon all of you
LoneWolf: there are people out there that need you
CindyB: any other positive steps?
IrishGenn: The Dr. said that it happen so slow that I learned how to do things on my own.
LoneWolf: reach out to those less fortunate
deadhead1: never put people down for not having a life...just realize that everyone lives a different type of life
IrishGenn: I have thought about becoming part of the girlscoots.
LoneWolf: just sending letters on disability rights
Lily: true, dead
wacky: never settle always look 4 ways to improve ur situation
LoneWolf: talking to young people on the channel
CindyB: those are all great
wacky: Push push push
phoenyxx: IrishGenn: sorry
LoneWolf: talking to old people on the channel
CindyB: and keeping in touch on disabled and RT is always wonderful, so many beautiful happy souls here truly ready to help
LoneWolf: be a doer not a sitter
phoenyxx: judi, what can I do? all I can offer is my advice and perspectives.
IrishGenn: But what did I do wrong to feel like I'm dead to so mean ppl that mean a great deal to me?
deadhead1: I'm a sitter doer
IrishGenn: Did I say do act why am I treated this why.
LoneWolf: Simon and all of you-last week I talked to 3 people in our disabled room that were suicidal
Lily: simon, thats a lot
wacky: Im not a human being... I am a human doing
CindyB: Irish, you did nothing wrong, don't ever tell yourself that
LoneWolf: Does that scare all of you as much as it does me?
IrishGenn: I'm not suicidal, I won't give the ppl that wish I was out of there life the satasfaction.
phoenyxx: judi: I have been sucidal many times but it wasn't over my conidtion, it was about a deep secret I've hidden my entire life.
CindyB: If someone doesn't accept you Irish, t is them, not you!
Lily: it does
phoenyxx: protocol 135, 318, and 357.
IrishGenn: But it hurts SO much.
LoneWolf: Simon, you can help every time you talk
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CindyB: Yes it doesn hurt and probably will always, but you are a creature of God, thats what matters
IrishGenn: I'm 27 and My bestfreind from when I was a child got married.
phoenyxx: judi: my perspectives are so different, and there is so much more about me than just my condition.
phoenyxx: and keeping huge secrets doesn't help either.
IrishGenn: The kicker is I was not invited to come.
LoneWolf: no it doesn't
IrishGenn: My Parents where but not me.
phoenyxx: IrishGenn: then they are not friends.
LoneWolf: I think Wacky tried that for a while
CindyB: I imagine that broke your heart Irish.
CindyB: Last question before time is up
IrishGenn: But I still feel the love for them.
CindyB: 5. Do we, inadvertently, cause the isolation?
IrishGenn: yes it did.
deadhead1: Genn were here for you.....you need friend just reach out to us
IrishGenn: NO
wacky: Genn? let me goffer alittle advice... we are all unique so we all have our own unique timelines
Lily: sometimes we do, yes, or i do
IrishGenn: Thanks Deadhead
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wacky: Genn? let me offer alittle advice... we are all unique so we all have our own unique timelines
IrishGenn: true
LoneWolf: Cindy would you and Lily continue the meeting pplease
max1: i will be glad to disuuss depression at any time
CindyB: yes dear
CindyB: 5. Do we, inadvertently, cause the isolation?
Lily: sure:))
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wacky: Yes we can
phoenyxx: there are bigger problems I am dealing with that transcend the disability...what upsets me is that to keep this big secret I've used my disability as cover.
Lily: i do, sometimes
deadhead1: Yes Cindy.....I know a lot of disabled people who put off going out till the perfact time...that perfact time never comes up
CindyB: How so wacky?
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IrishGenn: Does anyone feel left behind?
phoenyxx: I can say that I know I have caused my own isolation- not in a literal sense but in a deeper way, hiding and suppressing who and what I really am.
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LoneWolf: yes but I think we cause it ourselves sometimes
CindyB: in what sense LW
deadhead1: Genn everyone at different times feels left behind...
CindyB: Do you, any of you push people away, but not mean to?
Lily: sometimes i have to force myself to get out and do things
wacky: the practice thing of access I know ppl who wont go place unless accessible.... I say bring friends then the world is ready to be conquered
phoenyxx: deadhead: I have one friend who when he's with a group of us saves us theatre seats that aren't accessable so that I have to sit seprate from them.
LoneWolf: Well don't all of us get a bitdefensive sometimes?
LoneWolf: I have and it puts people off
phoenyxx: judi: I rewrote defensive. the person I really has been in cryosleep the past 28 years.
deadhead1: Simon thats why I buy all of the tickets....of course that might explain why I'm always broke
LoneWolf: Simon, I would love to know your story
phoenyxx: hehhehe deadhead :)
phoenyxx: judi: you might not like my story.
IrishGenn: Phone I will be back soon.
CindyB: before you all leave, my e-mail is [email protected], this is for those who aren't on the mailing list and want the URL's and phone numbers
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Lily: k
LoneWolf: If its private would you mail it to me
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phoenyxx: now there is another group of friends who are totally cool with me, they work to make sure all of us can go together.
CindyB: My ICQ is 476832
phoenyxx: one of those friends is an old high school friend too :)
LoneWolf: My ICQ is 2491525
LoneWolf: My e-mail is [email protected]
phoenyxx: judi: well, it's serious I can say it here in the open....
LoneWolf: We are both always willing to help
LoneWolf: go on
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CindyB: and are usually always available via puter
phoenyxx: my situation.....
phoenyxx: far deeper than the disability....
deadhead1: can I make a suggestion...how bout making the meetings longer???
phoenyxx: is that my entire life I have always known I was different on the inside.....like someone put MacOS in an Intel system.
LoneWolf: I'd like to does anyone else agree?
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CindyB: we can stay and talk as long as you need us too DH
phoenyxx: and to hide that secret I have done all sorts of terrible things. including forcing my disability (when it came along) out in front as cover.
max1: agreed
deadhead1: can I second and third my motion
phoenyxx: but my depression and suicidal feelings were never caused my any physical limitations.
LoneWolf: yes
LoneWolf: time?
CindyB: hour longer?
phoenyxx: good idea
deadhead1: I like an hour more
LoneWolf: or hour earlier?
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CindyB: We are listning phoenyxx, just doing a time too.
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LoneWolf: I'm sorry Simon I am listening
wacky: I tried sucicide once but had noting to do with dis
phoenyxx: either is ok, it;s my computer, here at my place, ona second line I can have all the time I need online :)
CindyB: me too!
deadhead1: how bout later....pacific...I just get out of work...and roll home as fast as possible
CindyB: second line and free
GenONfONE: my ICQ num is 15082830
LoneWolf: ok an hour longer
CindyB: SOLD
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deadhead1: yeah!!!!
phoenyxx: what I was saying, is that the way I am is like someone put MacOS in an intel system. incompatible but I made it work all these years at a high cost.
phoenyxx: hour later...9pm central time
phoenyxx: cool
phoenyxx: watch Law and Order while chatting :)
GenONfONE: on the phone
CindyB: so phoenyxx, you feel like you are gtting a lot of illegal operations in your intel system?
phoenyxx: Cindy: something like that.... wrong personality inside.
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CindyB: right
judi1: Sorry got knocked offline
deadhead1: Simon you mean your never who you really are???
phoenyxx: yes.
phoenyxx: never could be even when I realized it.
deadhead1: Are you real with us??
GenONfONE: On the PHONE.
phoenyxx: as much as I can safely be but 99% is still hidden.
judi1: Simon I missed why it was you tried suicide
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CindyB: Phoenyxx, it may be drastic and hard on you, but for your happiness you do what you need to do dear.
phoenyxx: judi: certain identity issues were coming up and there was no way out.
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phoenyxx: cindy: my happiness will cost me everything, including the support of the disabled community. people like me are denounced as sick.
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deadhead1: You know its weird but I am more like the real me online than off...many people are the oppisite
LoneWolf: Unfortunately I am me wherever I go
phoenyxx: deadhead: I come a step closer to being real online but being real in the real world is still out of reach.
max1: honesty works better
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CindyB: Is this an isuue with the real you or what society would condemn you as?
LoneWolf: Simon why aren't you coming to disabled more?
deadhead1: Simon....I think I know where your going with this....I accept all people....just hold out a hand
phoenyxx: Cindy: I know how society would treat me....I am Winston Smith, or Montag.
LoneWolf: and I offer another hand
phoenyxx: judi: the reason I haven't been coming here more often is because it's hard to interact without letting the real me out.
CindyB: we all except you for who you want to be! You come here and be comfortable with yourself, no need to hide or pretend to be anything else
LoneWolf: and I'm too dense to understand what you mean Simon
phoenyxx: deadhead: are you sure about that?
LoneWolf: anyone else have a hand for Simon?
CindyB: Be blunt with us Phoen. we are your true friends
CindyB: Both hands here for simon
deadhead1: Simon....I have lived the most bizard life...I can accept all....and I do mean all!!!!
max1: thru honest comes understanding that brings help
phoenyxx: judi: Winston Smith is in '1984', and Montag is a fireman (book burner) in 'Farenhiet 451'. People going along as believers in causes they never believed in. And lost everything when they stepped out in the open.
^Scooter^: I give you my hand as well..and you don't even know me.
LoneWolf: arms open Simon and heart too
phoenyxx: here I go...
deadhead1: go!!
phoenyxx: gender identity issues.....
phoenyxx: and now I grab the ejector handle.
LoneWolf: so?
phoenyxx: 3-2-1
CindyB: phoenyxx, if you don't feel comfortable with it out in public, please feel free to here!
phoenyxx: time for me to go.
max1: no
phoenyxx: this is too much for you all here or is it?
CindyB: Simon, that isn't so bad
GenONfONE: I'm on the phone long distins so I will be back later.
LoneWolf: Simon, are you gay?
phoenyxx: it isn't?
phoenyxx: not gay....
phoenyxx: hard to explain.
GenONfONE: wolf?
CindyB: Heck, here in my city, it is the norm
GenONfONE: where are you?
LoneWolf: ok gen
LoneWolf: here
GenONfONE: I will be back later
deadhead1: Simon....my brother and sister are gay....they are both disabled like me...
LoneWolf: bi sexual
GenONfONE: say 15 min
LoneWolf: cross dresser?
LoneWolf: ok gen
CindyB: want a sex change?
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CindyB: sorry I'm blunt
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LoneWolf: Simon, we don't care-we love you dear
phoenyxx: judi: that's the closest.....always felt like I should have been born a girl but hid it all my life. but it slowly eroded me from within.
deadhead1: Damn people slow down...can't read that fast
deadhead1: lol
CindyB: it is ok Simon, those are your true feelings and thoughts..you can't be condemned for those
phoenyxx: and my disability made it even more difficult because I was forced to conform to a male stereotype of disability and was so bitter and miserable.
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LoneWolf: Simon, this is an issue many people have faced
phoenyxx: Cindy: people have been killed for less.
LoneWolf: not here
phoenyxx: listen-
CindyB: I know, but we aren't going to kill you here love...
phoenyxx: thank you :)
phoenyxx: many of you that know me know I have gone on and on about how bad it has been in regards to my disability.
CindyB: No, thank you for sharing that with us, it was very hard on you
phoenyxx: now the truth:
LoneWolf: Simon, I don't care if you are purple and dress like Goldilocks
phoenyxx: I did once as a kid actually.
CindyB: lol
phoenyxx: pardon the humor with this being so serious. it was a long time ago.
phoenyxx: truth is:
max1: what
phoenyxx: all the negativity, hostility, fights, and misunderstandings between me and all the support persons and disabled persons have been because with my disability
deadhead1: Simon....you know there are a lot of disabled people with the same feelings...but being disabled you are part of a minority group (small group) and with in that group is even a smaller group...you just need to find that group of people that have the same feelings...that is a real hard thing to do
phoenyxx: it was harder and harder to suppress my real feelings and still get help.
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phoenyxx: so I would let a little of that real me out enough to get help without giving too much away.
max1: simon how old pleas
CindyB: I can see you point
phoenyxx: and I would find myself at odds with the support persons because I wasn't acting
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GenONfONE: Ok I'm back
phoenyxx: macho enough about my situation....and I nearly got hit with legal charges because someone noticed I was more ok getting help and talking to the women I met.
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phoenyxx: I am 28.
LoneWolf: Sorry
phoenyxx: pardon the fast typing.
*** GenONfONE is now known as IrishGenn
phoenyxx: am I making sense though?
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deadhead1: yes
IrishGenn: I'm 27
CindyB: yes you are
IrishGenn: who on here goes by judi on ICQ?
phoenyxx: my disability put me in a position where I was expected to interact in a certain way and just couldn't.
CindyB: phoenyxx, I haven't met you before, what is your handicap?
LoneWolf: me
LoneWolf: Irish I'm judi
deadhead1: Simon away from your computer friends dose anyone else know...
IrishGenn: LoneWolf your a girl?
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phoenyxx: my condition is an orthopedic condition in my lower spine, wheelchair since March of 1993.
max1: i think thats old enough to make some hard decisions abt who you wat to be
LoneWolf: yes I'm a girl Irish for 47 years today
phoenyxx: deadhead: my parenrs know and a group of friends are totally supportive, even my parents are wanting to help, but one old friend has told me he doesn't want me to do some 'sick talk show thing'.
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CindyB: so youare afraid if people found out, you'd not only be ridiculed, but maybe abused or taken advantage of?
deadhead1: happy b-day judi
phoenyxx: max: thanks.
LoneWolf: thanks
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IrishGeny: Happy Birthday Judi
LoneWolf: thanks
IrishGeny: how old are you today?
LoneWolf: hi Kark
LoneWolf: 47
phoenyxx: Cindy: yes, as it is I can't access disability resources without accidentally getting into trouble.
IrishGeny: if I can ask
Kark: Hi all
IrishGeny: Oh I'm 27.
CindyB: I understand
IrishGeny: 27/f/Illinois.
Kark: Oh Happy Happy Birthday LW
LoneWolf: thanks
max1: some decisions come not easy but only you can make them
IrishGeny: I will be back in 5min
IrishGeny: ok
LoneWolf: Simon I don't understand how any of this can get you in trouble
phoenyxx: max: already making decisions.
Kark: What did I miss may I ask?
deadhead1: Simon I know its hard but I found that if your yourself even if some people cannot handle it...most people will stand beside you
*** IrishGeny is now known as GenBRB5
CindyB: Phoenyxx, I will keep you in my prayers, that all this works out for you someday, for your happiness. And you know if you ever need to talk, LW and I are available
phoenyxx: judi: what I mean is that it's very hard to hide everything because the disability puts me into more contact with people than a nondisabled person would be.
phoenyxx: Cindy: thanks :)
max1: and what are you contemplating
LoneWolf: I understand I think Simon
phoenyxx: making things right max.
LoneWolf: I missed what you were contemplating
max1: how if i may ask
LoneWolf: sex change?
phoenyxx: correct
LoneWolf: ok fine
Kark: Phoenyxx sorry that I just came in late but could you tell me what expose you are referring to
LoneWolf: when?
phoenyxx: hopefully by the end of next year.
CindyB: Phoenyxx, what my confussion is, if you have a sex change, this isn't going to change the fact you are disabled! So you'd still qualify for help, correct?
LoneWolf: Kark Simon has come out of the closet so to speak
deadhead1: I have a gay friend in a wheelchair...he has the hardest time finding male attendents because they feel it is to intimate of contact
phoenyxx: Kark: a huge personal problem, sorry to have dragged you in.
LoneWolf: Kark will ove you too Simon
LoneWolf: Kark=Karen
phoenyxx: Cindy: well, I've met disalbed people who are narrow minded, as well as helpers and counselors.
LoneWolf: very sweet
Kark: I see
LoneWolf: he wants a sex change Kark
CindyB: There are a lot of narrow minded people out there, this is for sure
LoneWolf: Simon stop and think we are all unknown on here
LoneWolf: we are just humans
phoenyxx: currently what has happened is that I am in a situation where I need help, and the rules of whereever I am at require that male helpers help male patients and I have to suppress the fact that I am totally mortified at the prospect.
Kark: But I agree with Cindy, do you think that is going to change the fact you are disabled?
LoneWolf: we all need love and acceptance
CindyB: I say go for the sex change, and if you get any hassle, mention the words, LAWYER, and COURTS! They will treat you fine..
LoneWolf: whether you are Simon or Matilda doesn't matter
max1: ignore the ones that ridicule thare are support communities that have the understanding you keed
LoneWolf: agree with max
phoenyxx: Kark: it won't change the fact that I am disabled but it will make it and everything in synch.
phoenyxx: max: thanks.
max1: ok
LoneWolf: Simon-Matilda is not a good name choice by the way
phoenyxx: I am working on that.
deadhead1: Simone
phoenyxx: thought of that one!
Kark: ok, you need to do whats right for you
LoneWolf: it does not matter and it will bring you out of your own private isolation
CindyB: and you'll always have us!
CindyB: You'll pat yourself on the back and be glad for it!
deadhead1: yeah...Simon just be yourself
CindyB: Simon, is any of your family or friends aware of this?
Kark: your happiness is more inportant then the comments of people that are ignorant
LoneWolf: so true
max1: the only thing ppl can do in this life is seek the truth
LoneWolf: life is short Simon
CindyB: be happy while you can
max1: with truth comes direction
CindyB: you are having these feelings and thoughts for a reason, don't ignore them.
LoneWolf: You ok Simon?
CindyB: Simon?
deadhead1: Simon if you have problems getting or keeping attendents....you can contact the local gay community....other people have the same problem...they can help
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phoenyxx9: sorry about that
CindyB: lol
CindyB: we was just talking awayto you
phoenyxx9: :)
max1: supper cu
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CindyB: I see you on my list twice
LoneWolf: Simon I said life is short
CindyB: and I said youare having these feelings and thoughts for a reason
phoenyxx9: what I was saying, was that I know it won't make me 'not disabled' but all of my frustration and depression has been caused by not being able to interact with people and the world as who I really am.
CindyB: act out on it
LoneWolf: and max said with truth there is direction
phoenyxx9: Cindy: I am working on that now.
LoneWolf: and Cindy said a bunch
deadhead1: yep life is short....like when you get booted from this room and come back as someone else
LoneWolf: good analogy
phoenyxx9: no it's me really I promise.
CindyB: Be happy while you can
phoenyxx9: I have been getting counseling the past year.
CindyB: Simon, are your family or friedns aware?
LoneWolf: Come into disabled as Simone
LoneWolf: see how it feels
Kark: Just be aware that deing disabled exposes us to situations that on occassion will get us down and frustrated
phoenyxx9: yes they know. all are accepting and supportive except one friend who says he doesn't want me to do some 'sick talk show thing'.
LoneWolf: yes
phoenyxx9: judi: are you serious?
deadhead1: Judi you got a point......
LoneWolf: yes I am
phoenyxx9: it is tempting.
phoenyxx9: stand by
CindyB: yes she is serious!
CindyB: do it!
deadhead1: do it thats cool
CindyB: JUST DO IT....good motto
CindyB: we are your friends and will support you
deadhead1: copy right infrigment
CindyB: shhh
deadhead1: did I shhhh enough?
LoneWolf: why are we shhhhhing?
*** phoenyxx9 is now known as Simone1
Simone1: it is done