Disabilities-R-Us

Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

Disabilities & Romance #3: Differences between AB Relationships

Jul 09, 1997

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  HandiBot ([email protected])
  ChanServ ([email protected])
  Silvester ([email protected])
  Mooooooo ([email protected])
  HelloKit ([email protected])
  DopeHat ([email protected])
  mon_ange
  AmyWonder ([email protected])
  Mimi_ ([email protected])
  duckie
  wcg
  al2
  Mooooooo via Telnet ([email protected])
HelloKit: logging is on
AmyWonder: I didn't understand
Mooooooo: hey al2!!!
al2: ahoy mooooooooooooooooooooooo
*** wcg has joined #Disabled (from netsplit)
* HelloKit steps up to the podium...
* Mooooooo still wants to meet al2's nurse :o)
HelloKit: Hehe... just kidding.
al2: ah... moooo remembers that one!
Mooooooo: howdy wcg
Mooooooo: /:o)
Mimi_: brb
Silvester: Test it Mooooooo....
*** mon_ange has joined #Disabled (from netsplit)
* HelloKit picks up the microphone...
mon_ange: woa
al2: haven't seen her for 17 years, mooooo
HelloKit: TESTING...
Mooooooo: dang
HelloKit: hehe
Silvester: lol Carly...
*** mon_ange has left irc (If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair color.)
* Mooooooo listens
*** AlienDog has joined #disabled
Mooooooo: howdy Alien
*** mon_ange has joined #disabled
* DopeHat is listening
* Silvester sleeps...
HelloKit: ARE WE READY?
al2: yeah
AmyWonder: yes
* HelloKit slaps Silvester around a bit with a plate of
AlienDog: Howdee Mooooooo
Mooooooo: YES
mon_ange: my lag is SOOO bad
*** chill has joined #disabled
DopeHat: shoot
mon_ange: maybe this is better
Silvester: yeah...
Mooooooo: much
HelloKit: Hey Mooooooo... gimme that mic back!
AlienDog: Howdee HelloKit!
Mooooooo: Hiya Chill
* Mooooooo holds his breath until HelloKit speaks
chill: howdy hi
mon_ange: hehe moo :D
al2: speech!.... speech!
* Mooooooo is turning blue
Mimi_: I'm back :o)
Mooooooo: wb Mimi
* DopeHat kicks mooooooo in the gut
HelloKit: FOR THOSE WHO DON'T ALREADY KNOW, TONIGHT'S TOPIC IS ON THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND THOSE OF PEOPLE WITHOUT DISABILITIES.
mon_ange: yeah wb
HelloKit: FIRST QUESTION IS...
DopeHat: ok
Silvester: Ah...that is meant with AB
HelloKit: HOW MANY OF US GET HELP OR CARE FROM OUR PARTNERS?
* HelloKit raises her hand...
DopeHat: i do
Mimi_: no me
Mimi_: not me
chill: not here
mon_ange: not me either
DopeHat: not
AmyWonder: I do
Mooooooo: I don't have a partner any more, but she did help me get an ulcer
al2: of those who have partners
HelloKit: LOL
DopeHat: heh
Mimi_: *LOL* Daniel
mon_ange: lol
duckie: I get very little help
HelloKit: ANYONE?
DopeHat: i have no partner
AmyWonder: i do
al2: i don't
Silvester: I do..
HelloKit: AMYWONDER, DO YOU THINK THAT AFFECTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
duckie: I have a partner he is AB and I get very little help
*** AlienDog has left irc (The one without an identity will return some day.)
al2: duckie... do you need much help?
*** AlienDog has joined #disabled
mon_ange: my boyfriend's AB and i get no help at all......but most of the time i dont ask for it
HelloKit: AND DUCKIE, WHAT KIND OF HELP DO YOU GET?
AmyWonder: yes Sometime he treats me like hiss child
al2: duckie?
* HelloKit gets a lot of help from her sweetie.
Mimi_: why don't you ask, angel? you don't need it, or don't want it?
al2: are you there?
HelloKit: AMY - DOES HE TEND TO HELP TOO MUCH?
DopeHat: hellokit is lucky
mon_ange: i want him to do it because he WANTS to not out of pity
mon_ange: so far, he hasnt showed that he wants to
AmyWonder: not really
duckie: I need very little help...I try to be as independt as possible
Silvester: This is the right way...
duckie: I rather not ask unless I really need it
*** Pyro has joined #disabled
AmyWonder: he llectures me
Mooooooo: heya Jeff
Mimi_: angel, maybe he's shy :o)
HelloKit: ABOUT WHAT, AMY?
mon_ange: i try to be independent but sometimes its hard to be
Pyro: heyt dan :)
Mimi_: Hey Jeff :o)
DopeHat: hi jeff
Pyro: hi mimi, keith :)
AmyWonder: when we talk about religion
al2: yeah, some people are reluctant to offer, probably only from uncertainty
duckie: sometimes I get tired of being independent and just would like to be helped but
duckie: I don't want someone to help me out of pity
chill: who would?
mon_ange: i hate it with a passion when people pity me
HelloKit: My boyfriend told me he was afraid I would be offended if he offered to help.
Mimi_: al2 - I can attest to that, as an AB sometimes I'm unsure :o/ (I have disabled family members)
mon_ange: if someone's help offends me, i'd be the first one to tell them
* Silvester wants to leave the meeting...because he have to
*** Moooooo-- has joined #Disabled
DopeHat: it never hurts to ask
*** Mooooooo has left irc (Read error to Mooooooo dse.pacific.net]: Connection reset by peer)
Mimi_: that's good, angel
*** Moooooo-- is now known as Mooooooo
Mimi_: Keith, once you get reamed for offering unwanted help, you're reluctant to offer again :o)
Mooooooo: take care Sven
HelloKit: Sometimes I get mad when someone offers me help, but I do overreact...
DopeHat: i'm sorry that happened
HelloKit: I always regret it.
AmyWonder: He ddoes not try to do everything for me
*** Silvester has left #disabled
Mimi_: brb - doorbell
al2: getting reamed for asking is the other person's hangup, not necassarily anybody else's
al2: buut
Mooooooo: I only get upset when someone insists on helping after I ask them not to
al2: oops
*** CincyKid has joined #disabled
* HelloKit agrees with Mooooooo.
Mooooooo: howdy John
mon_ange: its like they cant take no for an answer
DopeHat: yeah me too
Mooooooo: moral busibodies
Mimi_: I'm back
* al2 agrees with hellokit
CincyKid: Howdy Dan, How do everyone!
Mooooooo: I do well
Mooooooo: /:o)
*** jdejan has joined #Disabled
HelloKit: Pretty good, John.
mon_ange: i hate it when people talk to me like i'm some little kid with a learning disability and cant understand anything
DopeHat: sometimes i hate to ask for help
Mooooooo: Jody :o)
Mimi_: It's OK, Keith, you just have to get to know the person better, usually, and it works itself out
* HelloKit nods to mon_ange.
jdejan: Hi Moooooo!
AlienDog: Floks with Learning dsiabilities CAN undrestand thnigs though!!!
duckie: I'm learning to accept help
jdejan: I went to another server and there was no one in the chat room
Mimi_: Hey Jody!! :o)
jdejan: hi mimi
Mooooooo: Jody, did you read your mail?
jdejan: hi DH
AmyWonder: Maybe it's because he is older than me
jdejan: what mail?
DopeHat: hi
HelloKit: DO YOU THINK A DISABILITY CAN BRING A COUPLE CLOSER?
Mooooooo: are you on the mailing list?
jdejan: nope
DopeHat: maybe
Mooooooo: It either brings you closer or tears you apart
mon_ange: i'm not saying that alien but i am saying that they shouldnt talk to me like that ya know what i mean?
al2: yes, it can... depends on the individuals
duckie: yes..if you let it
mon_ange: just cuz i cant walk doesnt mean i cant think for myself
DopeHat: i agree with moo
HelloKit: I feel mine has brought Chris and me closer.
AmyWonder: definatly
Mimi_: My husband was a little afraid at first when I told him I had epilepsy
jdejan: Dan, how do I get on the mailing list?
AlienDog: Jsut cuase I can't wlak AND have severe learning dsiabllities dsoent; mean I cna;'t thnik either.
Mooooooo: http://members.tripod.com/~disabled
Mooooooo: fill out the mailing list form
jdejan: thanks
HelloKit: He feeds me my meals, and he thinks it's romantic. :o)
al2: I can relate to both sides, I was AB (and misunderstanding of disabilities) until 28 yrs old
* AlienDog thinks tish palce needs a betttre undrestnadnig
HelloKit: AlienDog, I understand what mon_ange is saying... perhaps 'learning disability' wasn't the greatest choice of words.
mon_ange: no it wasnt
*** AlienDog has left irc (The one without an identity will return some day.)
mon_ange: didnt mean to offend him if i did
Mimi_: It's OK, angel
*** Spoted_1 has joined #Disabled
HelloKit: Hi Spoted_1
Mimi_: Hey Spoted_1 :o)
Mooooooo: hello spoted
*** dWeLlErS has joined #Disabled
mon_ange: hi spoted
Mimi_: welcome dwellers :o)
Mooooooo: hi dwellers
mon_ange: hey dwellers
*** wcg has left #disabled
al2: ahoy dwellers
DopeHat: welcome spoted_1
Mooooooo: Next question?
HelloKit: LOL
HelloKit: My mind is blank...
Mooooooo: doh!
al2: what's the capitol of Libya?
mon_ange: L
Mooooooo: Washington DC
HelloKit: ANYONE ELSE HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR POINTS?
*** SweetHP has joined #Disabled
Mooooooo: Hi SweetHP
* al2 thinks
DopeHat: i don't like to date because i need help
SweetHP: Hi!
SweetHP: Sorry I'm late.
Mooooooo: np :o)
al2: I'm too afraid to date
AmyWonder: Mim: did he act differently when he fouund out?
Mimi_: Keith, what's wrong with a little help? (sorry about the total TAB question...)
Mimi_: well, he was a little worried, but never said anything...I never noticed it at the time, it was only recently that he told me
DopeHat: i feel uncomfortable
HelloKit: I did too, DopeHat... you get over it.
Mooooooo: who came up with TAB?
mon_ange: my boyfriend was a little intimidated by me but once we got together and started dating and stuff, he chilled out
*** Spoted_1 is now known as messenger
Mimi_: at the time, though, Amy, I was pretty much in severe denial and didn't really want to talk about it, I certainly wasn't open about it, which of course made him feel uncomfortable
HelloKit: Good question, Mooooooo... I have no idea but I like it. :o)
*** messenger is now known as Spoted_1
Mooooooo: I dont :o(
Mimi_: I kind of feel like you're not giving other people a chance, Keith, if you refuse their companionship because you don't want their help
al2: if I hit the 'tab' key, will I be able to walk?
jdejan: what is TAB
Mimi_: TAB - temporarily able bodied
chill: giggle
Mooooooo: It sounds like wishing harm on someone
Mimi_: I'm TAB until my next seizure :o)
AmyWonder: lol al2
SweetHP: If you think about it...most everyone is tab.
jdejan: oh, I guess that applies to me too
DopeHat: well i wouldn't go on a dinner date
jdejan: not the seizure part
Mimi_: that's too bad Keith...I think you should try
mon_ange: ya never know unless ya try
Mooooooo: Im not dating until I move
CincyKid: Where is your favorite place to go for a first date or meeting? Anybody?
jdejan: why not? and move to where?
Mooooooo: Dinner and a movie
mon_ange: dinner and a movie
DopeHat: i don't know of any women would like to help on a date
Mimi_: you have to give ABs a chance, too...some of them are good people worth knowing *g*
Mooooooo: then a late night walk
mon_ange: thats where i went for my first date =)
AmyWonder: dinner
HelloKit: I don't think it is, Mooooooo... it's more of a reminder that no one is 'perfect' forever... that they really aren't that much different from us.
jdejan: hey moooo, why not (dating) and move where?
Mimi_: the beach with a baguette, a double creme brie, some grapes and a bottle of red wine
al2: mimi... yup, but hard to 'see' that quality
* Mooooooo is moving to Dallas
jdejan: HOT!! I have a friend down there
AmyWonder: when, moo/
Mooooooo: thats not a date, thats a seduction
Mooooooo: very soon Amy
jdejan: Moooooo, behave yourself
DopeHat: people go on dates to have fun
al2: anybody here live in aridzona?
Mimi_: I know, but I have experienced rejection probably on those grounds...kind of sucked
jdejan: mimi.... make that white wine and maybe you've got something
Mimi_: Jody - :oD
Mimi_: that was my best first date
al2: I suggest cabernet sauvignon
jdejan: I like to go somewhere off-beat
Mimi_: twice, actually
Mimi_: I suggest a Georges DuBeouf Beaujolais Villages
DopeHat: i think i am very self concious
* al2 is self conscious, too
jdejan: you shouldn't be DH. you come across as a very nice person...
*** jlubin has joined #Disabled
al2: that's one of the blessings of the internet
Mooooooo: hey J!
DopeHat: women don't like nice guys
Mimi_: hey jlubin :o)
HelloKit: I agree, al2.
mon_ange: i think we're all self conscious at one point but you gotta think...hey i'm just as good as everyone else here.
Mimi_: that's not true, Keith
jlubin: hello
HelloKit: If you guys met me in person, you wouldn't believe it was the same person.
Mooooooo: bery true Angel
SweetHP: Since when?! Nice guys are hard to find!
al2: dope... then every woman would like me
Mimi_: same here, Carly
dWeLlErS: This is for all the newnett users that are corently fed up with the lag here if you are one of them then you have a choice just type babylon.beyondirc.net and then join #eden or #services it is lag free and great ircops to!!!!!!!!!!!
Spoted_1: This is for all the newnett users that are corently fed up with the lag here if you are one of them then you have a choice just type babylon.beyondirc.net and then join #eden or #services it is lag free and great ircops to!!!!!!!!!!!
*** Spoted_1 has left #Disabled
jdejan: hey, DH, yes they do..... once they have smartened up a bit
*** dWeLlErS has left #Disabled
mon_ange: got that right sweet, they are hard to find...
Mimi_: I married a nice guy, Keith :o)
DopeHat: i'm actually a very shy person
Mimi_: I had to leave the country, Angel *g*
mon_ange: i'm goin' out with a nice guy
al2: yeah... if you met me you'd be surprised, too
mon_ange: hehehe
jdejan: mimi - ;)
Mimi_: Come to
Mimi_: oops
SweetHP: Congrats mimi!
Mimi_: thanks SweetHP :o)
jdejan: I'm not leaving the country, but the next one (I hope) is from outside the USA
Mimi_: May I suggest Canada to anyone?
DopeHat: no
al2: I'm stayin' right here
* HelloKit had to go to the other end of the country to
mon_ange: i got a good ol' american guy :D
Mimi_: OK, may I suggest Keith to anyone? *g*
al2: I lived in Montreal for a while
DopeHat: i can't find any women around my age
jdejan: Actually, to meet people you have to get out and do things...... you won't meet them sitting at home
AmyWonder: i had to go outta state
HelloKit: How old are you, Keith?
* Mooooooo had to crawl under a rock to find his last
jdejan: LOL
HelloKit: Hey! I met mine sitting at home!
DopeHat: 23
HelloKit: In front of the computer, to be exact...
CincyKid: roflmbo
Mimi_: dont be bitter, Danile
jdejan: how? what is your secret?
mon_ange: same here kit :D
jdejan: DH, you're still young.... you have plenty of time to meet that special someone
*** Fuzzie1 has joined #disabled
DopeHat: how carly
*** Hombre has joined #Disabled
Fuzzie1: Hi all
Mimi_: hey Fuzzie, Hombre :o)
jdejan: I've made a couple of very good friends through the computer, but no love
SweetHP: Hi fuzzie1!
AmyWonder: over the net jody
*** Lao-tzu has joined #disabled
Hombre: hello everyone?
Mooooooo: heya fuzzy
Fuzzie1: So how's the meeting going?
Mimi_: Hey Han!!
Mooooooo: Hombre and Han
al2: well... this woman that runs #erotica lives 9 miles from me
al2: but she scares me
Mimi_: I've been attracted to people I've met through the internet
Hombre: same here
jdejan: same here.....
mon_ange: yeah same here but nothing more
Mimi_: nope, nothing more
* Lao-tzu greets everybody. My wife, Rosie, is back home
Mooooooo: I met 'it* on IRC
Mimi_: You wonder how you can be attracted to someone you're never met
Hombre: no limits
* HelloKit pats Mooooooo on the melon.
SweetHP: Hi Lao-tzu!
jdejan: Moooo, is 'it' your last girlfriend?
Mooooooo: yeah
Hombre: your sences
HelloKit: I should ship you my sister, Mooooooo...
jdejan: guess it didn't turn out well
AmyWonder: it is kinnda eaasier
*** Gilbert has joined #Disabled
DopeHat: you never know whats on the other end
Gilbert: I found you!
Mooooooo: Hey Gil!
Gilbert: Oh, relief!
Lao-tzu: hi Gil
jdejan: that's true DH....
AmyWonder: to email date
SweetHP: Well, Mimi, you get to know the person and you're not judging by their looks alone.
Mimi_: Hey Gilbert :o_
mon_ange: well all i must go, i'll see ya'll tomorrow or next week =oD
Mimi_: oops, :o)
*** richardh has joined #disabled
Hombre: bye every one
jdejan: I did get together with one of my friends from the net
richardh: hi
Mooooooo: see ya himbre
AmyWonder: att fiirst
Mimi_: that's what makes it so compelling, SweetHP
*** Hombre has left #Disabled
* HelloKit will be right back, gotta find the sand...
*** HelloKit is now known as LitterBox
Mimi_: bye angel!
mon_ange: b'bye all
richardh: what time is it EST when it it's 6 pacific
Mooooooo: bye Angel!
jdejan: bye
DopeHat: bye angel
Mimi_: *hugs* angel
Mooooooo: 9:00
jdejan: 9pm
mon_ange: c yas tomorrow
AmyWonder: 9
DopeHat: 9
SweetHP: Yes Mimi...I agree!
richardh: any girls here 18-25
al2: rich.... 9
richardh: thanks
*** mon_ange has left irc (If atheism is a religion, then bald is a hair color.)
Mimi_: missed me by two years, richard
richardh: how old mimi
al2: oops
Mimi_: 27
Lao-tzu: hey I know I'm late, but please reassure me
richardh: damn
SweetHP: I've found that people in other countries are less 'hung-up' about my disablity.
Gilbert: Hi, meemer I'm 30
*** gimp1 has joined #disabled
jdejan: I'm 29 + 2 years experience.... sorry
richardh: damn
Gilbert: Sweet, I've found the same thing
Mooooooo: howdy gimp!
richardh: it's hard to find love when youre autistic
Mimi_: hey gimp1 :o)
al2: yes, other countrypeople don't seem to be quite as vain
gimp1: hi..im new here
richardh: hi gimp
Mimi_: you are welcome, gimp
DopeHat: if there any women in here 18-25 they are mine
al2: ahoy gimp
jdejan: hi gimp.... just jump in. there is always a great crowd here
Lao-tzu: hullo gimp_one
DopeHat: hi gimp
CincyKid: I think you have a disabled and dateless night on here. what do you think?
gimp1: i have Cerebral Palsy
jdejan: DH lays claim to all the young women......
jlubin: I don't get out much to meet people
SweetHP: I've made some great friends in other countries and we've even traded pictures through email & irc.
CincyKid: should have
richardh: Dpe you take the west I take the east coast
al2: cincy.... you hit the nail on the head
richardh: I have autism
jdejan: Cincy - definitely!
Mimi_: how about married and dateless anyway? *g*
DopeHat: thats no good i'm in the middle
jlubin: last time I went outside was to see comet Hale-Bopp
* Mimi_ votes for Keith :o)
jdejan: where are you DH?
Gilbert: Doh! Mim
richardh: I dont get out much either
DopeHat: Oklahoma
Mimi_: as a disinterested party, I say DopeHat gets the girls :o)
Lao-tzu: Mimi watch your mouth....<g>
jdejan: near OSU?
al2: last time i went outside was to see if the peaches are ripe
gimp1: what is everyone's disability?
Mimi_: hahaha
Mimi_: sorry
Mimi_: gimp, I have epilepsy
* Mooooooo has Arthrogryposis
DopeHat: no Tulsa
SweetHP: Well, gotta go, work awaits! Great chatting with you all again, catch you next week.
jdejan: gimp - rheumatoid arthritis and five knee surgeries
jdejan: Moooo..... what is that?
al2: gimp... quadriplegic from spinal cord injury
* Lao-tzu is a paraplegic
Mimi_: bye SweetHP! :o)
Mooooooo: see ya Sweet
Mimi_: take care
Fuzzie1: I have arthritis
*** SweetHP has left irc (Leaving)
Mooooooo: It's a muscle/tendon defent
Mooooooo: defect
Lao-tzu: bye sweet
AmyWonder: gimp; c.p.
CincyKid: Daughter has AMC
DopeHat: damn spam /msg
* jlubin is c2 vent dependent quadriplegic due to acute
*** LitterBox is now known as HelloKit
* HelloKit paws at the sand to cover up her business...
jdejan: I got that too, DH
Mimi_: I hate that, Keith :oPPPPPP
*** duckie has left irc (Leaving)
HelloKit: Me too...
richardh: what's that Klubin
richardh: Jlubin
*** chill has left irc (Leaving)
jlubin: a swelling of the spinal cord
Fuzzie1: But it's only 9.9 cents per minute :)
richardh: oh
Lao-tzu: I guess all you west coast guys want to go see the sunset?
al2: jlubin.... complete paralysis below c2?
jdejan: the sun was out today?
jlubin: yes, from the neck down
Lao-tzu: I can't see from here
Mimi_: I'm really far north, Han, so I'm still seeing the sunset
jdejan: can't see it in the east. nothing but rain..
*** sinful has joined #Disabled
Fuzzie1: Sun is setting here
Mooooooo: howdy sinful
Mimi_: hey sinful
al2: jlubin... i can relate... i'm complete below c5
*** sinful has left #Disabled
DopeHat: i can't see
Mimi_: guess we're too clean a crowd
jdejan: guess we weren't what sinful was looking for ;)
jlubin: complete paralysis but I have feeling
Lao-tzu: so Mimi are you in Victoria?
al2: i do have some sensation below c5
gimp1: amy don't you wish to chat? I sent you a private message
jlubin: I just can't feel my right arm
Mimi_: nope, Han, I'm in the far north of Quebec
jdejan: Query: If the disability isn't obvious.... how do you bring it up to a romantic prospect?
Gilbert: That's a good one, JDE
Mooooooo: like what, Jody?
al2: yes
jdejan: please.... call me Jody
Mimi_: like epilepsy, perhaps?
AmyWonder: i sent a pavirate mess
Mimi_: when they ask you what your medication is for, then you tell them
jdejan: well, Dan, like me.... I don't limp but am in a lot of pain and require mucho surgery
al2: that's one thing about me... my disability is quite obvious upon sight
Mooooooo: I dont know Jody
jdejan: I know what you mean, mimi. I have an arsenal of drugs
richardh: mine aint visible but people know im 'speical' ick from the first moment they see me
jdejan: thanks for dinner, may I kiss you and by the way..... I'm a gimp.
al2: rich... why is that?
Mimi_: that's the rule I always went by, Jody
Mooooooo: LOL
Gilbert: hee hee, Jode
jdejan: I'll have to try it...
Mooooooo: Jody, I think i'll print up some business cards for us all
Mooooooo: we can be card carrying gimps
jdejan: and what would you say?
Mimi_: Daniel made me 'Honorary Gimp' *g*
Fuzzie1: Great, can we have secret handshakes and passswords too?
END

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