Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

Disabilities & Romance #5

Oct 09, 1997

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  HandiBot ([email protected])
  Disabled ([email protected])
  DopeHat ([email protected])
  HelloKit ([email protected])
  Mooooooo ([email protected])
  ChanServ ([email protected])
  kb9kyy ([email protected])
  Mooooooo via Telnet ([email protected])
Mooooooo: Baby's name is Alex :o)
kb9kyy: Excellent!!! i'm gonna send her mail tonight...
phoenyxx: me too
Mooooooo: cool, im sure she would enjoy that
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Micko: good night everyone!!!
HelloKit: Where are all the people?
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Raven_: I think I'll go, bbl
Mooooooo: i dunno :o(
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Mooooooo: hello muffie :o)
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HelloKit: Hello muffie :o)
phoenyxx: perhaps this topic is intimidating :-)
HelloKit: jinx
Mooooooo: it was always the most popular
muffie: HI
HelloKit: This topic usually has the biggest turnout, actually.
Mooooooo: how r ya muffie?
muffie: ok, need some help with this
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Mooooooo: Hi Denise :o)
muffie: is there another channel besides romance?
HelloKit: Denise :o)
Amazin1: hi all
HelloKit: muffie: Romance is just tonight's topic. We discuss all kinds of things.
* Mooooooo dips Denise and gives her tender smoochies!
muffie: OH,,,,well OK
Amazin1: :) thanks Moo
muffie: Where do we all live? I'm in Ca.
Mooooooo: Denise, Mimi had her baby
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Mooooooo: Im in Northern CA
Amazin1: tell her congrats for me!! :)
* phoenyxx is in San Antonio Tx.
* HelloKit is in Oregon.
Amazin1: Nevada
HelloKit: 4Are we all ready to start?
kb9kyy: ok, let's try this again...has anybody had any problems with their relationship's PARENTS???
Mooooooo: yeppers :o)
phoenyxx: Area 51 is in Nevada.
phoenyxx: :-)
Amazin1: shhhhh...that's classified
kb9kyy: lol
muffie: what do we get to do?
muffie: I'm a parent, watch out
Mooooooo: dunno, thats HelloKit's department :o)
kb9kyy: yeah, but does your kid date a disabled person?
muffie: No, but his mother is one
HelloKit: 4Before we actually get down to business, I just want to make an announcement that you've probably already heard...
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kb9kyy: go ahead...
Mooooooo: Hi Headake :o)
Headake: hey still chatting about the romance?
kb9kyy: yup
HelloKit: 4Late Monday night, after spending her first entire day without IRC... Mimi had a baby boy.
Headake: ok cool!!!
Mooooooo: see what happens when you miss a day?
kb9kyy: lol
Amazin1: haha
Mooooooo: Carly is next :oP
Headake: did she have withdrawals while in labor?
Amazin1: yikes!
HelloKit: 4His lungs aren't fully developed and he is currently on a respirator, but they say he is going to be fine.
kb9kyy: rofl
* HelloKit slaps Mooooooo around a bit with a medium-sized
kb9kyy: quit clowning...this log is going to be read by several people...
phoenyxx: that's good to hear- I knew he was a month early.
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Mooooooo: al2 :o)
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kb9kyy: i'll be back later...
phoenyxx: hello al2
kb9kyy: http://members.tripod.com/gjkd/ <== Sign Guestbook (macro)
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HelloKit: 4al2: You missed the announcement!
* HelloKit repeats herself:
al2: ahoy mateys
HelloKit: 4Late Monday night, after spending her first entire day without IRC... Mimi had a baby boy.
HelloKit: 4His lungs aren't fully developed and he is currently on a respirator, but they say he is going to be fine.
Headake: not to be rude, but where is the discussion?
HelloKit: We're just getting started, Headake...
HelloKit: Had to make the big announcement first :o)
Headake: oh! I'm always a day late, and a dollar short! Thought I missed it!
Headake: Sorry!
* Headake feels like a big Dolt!
HelloKit: 4And now on to 'Disabilities & Romance'...
* Headake sorry I can't talk now :)
* Headake is kidding
HelloKit: 4First of all, it's been a while since we've done this and I'm sure there are new people here tonight, so let's all update each other on our current situations... romantically, that is.
* phoenyxx is currently single.
* Headake who first?
* Mooooooo is still single and is avoiding female contact
* phoenyxx and is not dating anyone either.
HelloKit: Just go for it, Headake.
phoenyxx: but that is not by choice! :-)
* Headake is currently very much in love, but at times
* Amazin1 as been dating for 2 months
phoenyxx: cool!
* DopeHat is single
Headake: we have been dating for over a year...
* HelloKit is still with her honey (whom she met online)
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Headake: hello dannyc
HelloKit: 4Welcome, dannyc... we were just updating each other on our current romantic situations.
Mooooooo: hi dannyc :o)
phoenyxx: geez my luck sucks like a singularity in space!
HelloKit: al2?
Headake: phoenyxx don't sweat it! It has taken me 6 years to get here!
Headake: 7years...:}
al2: i'd rather not say right now
dannyc: thanks much first time so, I'll just sit back a while ok?
HelloKit: No problem :o)
phoenyxx: I know...alot of it is that I've been so busy with classes that it's hard to get out on a social basis.
HelloKit: 4Headake: Married, dating?
phoenyxx: But I get along fine with women I've met in classes so I know I have a chance later on :-)
Mooooooo: cool simon :o)
Headake: I have been dating the same person for over a year. Recently moved out of state and into an apartment together.
phoenyxx: one good women friend of mine met me after she saw me on TV :-)
HelloKit: 4That's great, Headake... how's it working out?
dannyc: Kit: sorry, I just have to ask... you all have romantic situations?
Mooooooo: I dont
Mooooooo: im single
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HelloKit: Well, dannyc, sometimes a situation is the fact that you don't have a situation.
Headake: well I think that it is going better than ever, there are times, but overall it's nice
Mooooooo: last g/f was half a year ago and she was a flaming nut case
* phoenyxx is so single NBC almost hired him for a sitcom
HelloKit: And that's fine.
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Mooooooo: Hi Han :o)
Lao-tzu: Hello everybody
HelloKit: 4Heya Lao-tzu... we're updating each other on our 'love lives'... join in if you like.
Headake: phoenxx don't worry about the the single life, I stressed for 7 years, then POW! she hit me!
Mooooooo: did you hit her back?
Mooooooo: /:o)
al2: or front?
Mooooooo: lol
Amazin1: haha
HelloKit: LOL you guys
phoenyxx: Headake- I know, I'm 27 and just now finishing college. Hopefully if I can get my video production business off the ground I'd have more time
phoenyxx: to meet people :-)
Headake: no I stepped on her toes...
Deb: i have a cyber boyfriend
Ray1: How did u meet him?
HelloKit: Cool, Deb.
Mooooooo: cool deb :o)
Lao-tzu: Well my better half is away from home right now, ...far away, ...oooh so far away and it doesn't seem to make a difference -- I still miss her!
Deb: I actually met him on the IRC ;-)
Headake: I know how you feel lau-tzu
Mooooooo: :o)
phoenyxx: I've got one friend telling how great the net is for meeting people, and another friend warning me not to risk it.
Mooooooo: simon, i think the risks are the same
Lao-tzu: Thanks, Scott :-)
Deb: I think it's safe - I've met real people from on line in person
* Headake has to run, I've got to check on my other half
HelloKit: Sounds like me vs. Daniel, Simon...
Headake: bye all...maybe later.
Mooooooo: i see little difference between meeting from the net and meeting from work. church, school
phoenyxx: Mooooo: I feel the same way.
Mooooooo: see ya headake
al2: ttfn headake
Lao-tzu: byy headake
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Mooooooo: Carly got somone nice, and I got a monster
HelloKit: Oh dear... now I'm choking myself on apple cider.
DopeHat: heh
Mooooooo: law of averages
DopeHat: so far i've met a nice one
Mooooooo: but, im not bitter (just pissed off)
HelloKit: LOL
al2: hehe mooo
phoenyxx: What's weird is that in the area of relationships, it's the one area I'm still shy about the chair.
HelloKit: Well, I think it's easier to tell with some people than others.
al2: i'll see if i can find that nurse for ya, mooo
phoenyxx: I know I'm worrying too much, and most people are cool about it anyway, but for some reason I still get nervous about it.
Mooooooo: yeah
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Mooooooo: hi tigger
tigger: hi
* DopeHat is single but spending alot of time with someone
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* Mooooooo is happy for Keith :o)
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Mooooooo: oops
HelloKit: Usually I'm pretty good with the intuition thing... knowing if someone is 'safe' or not. There have been a couple times when I've been wrong, but for the most part I've been right on target.
phoenyxx: Carly- I do the same thing, just let my instincts guide me, so to speak.
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HelloKit: And I never would have given Chris all the information I did if I had had the slightest doubts about his sanity.
HelloKit: hehe
Mooooooo: i dunno. in retrospect i need she was nuts but I wanted love so bad
Mooooooo: so i overlooked it
Mooooooo: but i knew it all along
Mooooooo: welcome back tigger
tiggertwo: thanks
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* HelloKit . o O ( Now I know all about his sanity...
Mooooooo: well at least Chris was housebroken, Carly
HelloKit: ROFL
al2: deb... do you live in arizona?
Ray1: I came in late, mooooo. Where did you meet this prize?
phoenyxx: Arizona is a UFO hotspot.
Mooooooo: i met her on irc
Mooooooo: then went to see her
al2: arizona is a redneck hotspot, too
HelloKit: LOL
tiggertwo: Mooooooooo, I have been there too
phoenyxx: al2- as bad as Texas? :-)
Lao-tzu: Only when you don't cover your head :-)
al2: phoenyxx... probly the same
Mooooooo: hey, no knocking my home to be
HelloKit: LOL
phoenyxx: I hear dueling banjos :-)
Mooooooo: lol
Mooooooo: :oP
HelloKit: 4Okay, I have another question for you guys...
al2: i hear people saying 'sheeeeeyittt!'
Mooooooo: lol
phoenyxx: al2- I usually yell 'son of a Hillary' :-)
al2: hehe
Mooooooo: lol
HelloKit: 4Has anyone found that even if the disability isn't an issue in the beginning, it begins to become a burden to the relationship later on?
al2: yes
phoenyxx: I have not run into that (yet)
tiggertwo: in what ways does it become a burden?
Mooooooo: depends on what you mean by burden?
al2: pain in the butt
Amazin1: burden?
Mooooooo: life aint easy, no matter who you are
HelloKit: Chris and I always try hard to work through everything... but sometimes it seems as if he's annoyed by having to help me with some things.
Mooooooo: burden makes it sound like an activity that you loathe doing
al2: loathe seems a bit harsh.... dislike sounds better
HelloKit: Maybe not by the fact that he has to help me, but the fact that it may sometimes coincide with him being busy with something else.
Mooooooo: Chris will have to get used to it because that is the person he plans to marry
DopeHat: i feel like my disability would be a burden
phoenyxx: What I'm most concerned about is making sure that any potential problems are dealt with in the beginning.
Mooooooo: Carly, that has nothing to do with being disabled, thats just life
phoenyxx: I don't want something suddenly becoming a problem when it wasn't one before.
HelloKit: Well I'm not even sure if he really feels that way - it seems like it to me, but it may just be my imagination.
Amazin1: I guess it depends of if you are dating abled bodied or disabled
phoenyxx: Carly- I know I worry more about what other people think, when really they're ok with it.
DopeHat: i feel like my disability would be a burden
HelloKit: For example, he sits down to play his new video game (which doesn't pause and only allows you to save at certain points)... ten minutes later I have to use the restroom.
al2: dopehat... what is your disability?
HelloKit: And he sorta... growls. Y'know?
DopeHat: MD
al2: ok..
Mooooooo: yep
Mooooooo: im the same way when the phone rings
HelloKit: LOL
HelloKit: But see, when the phone rings it's not my fault. But if I make him stop to take me pee, I feel bad.
al2: call him up and ask
Mooooooo: you having to pee isnt your fault
HelloKit: ROFL
Lao-tzu: My better half and I lived together before my accident. The accident strenghtened the relationship because the disability acted as a filter to keep banal issues out the way leaving the real feelings exposed and we got married. It's sort of like working excessively in the name of providing for your loved ones and *all they really need* is you.
al2: yeah... better than peeing right there
phoenyxx: Carly, I've had people who's job it was to help make me feel bad about just carrying books or holding a door open for me.
phoenyxx: I used to assume that everyone got pissed of about helping because of a few slackers at the college.
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phoenyxx: Mabye I am really naive, but I've always figured that the attitude in a relationship would be different than that.
HelloKit: I've had an experience like that, Simon. A very unpleasant experience...
phoenyxx: Carly- right! In my experience, most people are decent about it, and all my friends don't have a problem with accomodating me and the chair.
phoenyxx: I figure a potentioal girlfriend would be cool about it.
phoenyxx: potential I mean.
Lao-tzu: So when she helps me, I know she knows she doesn't *have* to do it, she does it with real interest and without any irritation.
Mooooooo: i think you're right Han
phoenyxx: My woman friend has helped me push and holds doors open, without giving it a second thought.
HelloKit: In the summer of '95 - the same year I met Chris - I went to a two-week summer study at the University of Washington. I brought another girl from my high school, whom I didn't know well, to be my attendant.
phoenyxx: brb
al2: she turned out to be a flake?
Amazin1: g'nite all ......
al2: ttfn
Mooooooo: nite Denise
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HelloKit: By the end of the two weeks, I hated her. She was always complaining about having to help me, she called me picky when I would ask her to fix my food the way I like it (i.e. extra salt on the fries, mayo on my burgers)... and she made me adjust my personal care schedule around her socializing.
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Mooooooo: how old was she?
HelloKit: 19 I think
Mooooooo: 19 and still in highschool?
phoenyxx: back
HelloKit: She had just graduated.
Mooooooo: that should have clued you in :o)
HelloKit: Heh...
HelloKit: It wasn't my choice... my parents met her while I was at camp, and had already told her she was going by the time I met her.
Mooooooo: she was drafted?
HelloKit: I was mad; I didn't think it was fair that they told her that without even asking me.
Lao-tzu: If you have an attendant, shouldn't the relationship be employer/employee -- you should establish the rules and they would have to respect them or expect to be replaced. ...No?
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HelloKit: Well, we had been searching all summer... I had asked some friends who couldn't go. This was a last resort.
Lao-tzu: Carly: you have that right!
kb9kyy: hi all
Mooooooo: hi brad
Lao-tzu: Hi Brad
kb9kyy: jinx
HelloKit: 4So anyway, back to romance...
kb9kyy: nc
HelloKit: 4Is anyone in a relationship with another disabled person?
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Mooooooo: nope
Mooooooo: hi ragdoll
kb9kyy: does being insane count? *g*
ragdoll: hi
kb9kyy: just kidding
* Lao-tzu is not
HelloKit: 4Welcome ragdoll... I was just asking if anyone here is in a relationship with another disabled person.
ragdoll: i was
Mooooooo: and what happened?
Lao-tzu: hi ragdoll, 'was'?
ragdoll: nothing really just kind of drifted apart but we are still really good friends
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Mooooooo: hi hanover
kb9kyy: hi hanover
Mooooooo: thats too bad
phoenyxx: I'm good friends with someone in a chair- she went to the same college I'm finishing up at.
hanover9: hi all
HelloKit: 4The reason I brought that up is something I found in my old e-mail... Becky18 mentioned that she had noticed people taking disabled w/ disabled relationships as entertainment...
Lao-tzu: hi hanover
kb9kyy: what a crock!
HelloKit: 4People thought it was cute to see two disabled people together... has anyone had a similar experience?
kb9kyy: go easy on the color
ragdoll: my friend only had one arm and was a good lover
kb9kyy: no comment
al2: hehe.. no comment here, too
Mooooooo: yeah, especially from you al2 :oP
Mooooooo: hehehe
al2: aw shux
Mooooooo: unless she was your nurs
Mooooooo: nurse
kb9kyy: lol
al2: no comment
HelloKit: Personally, I do understand what she is talking about. I've seen it happen, but I think it's something pretty isolated to high school and thereabouts. I don't think mature adults would act that way... or am I wrong?
al2: who cares what they think anyway
kb9kyy: yeah!
HelloKit: Shoot... I deleted the e-mail.
kb9kyy: dang
HelloKit: I was going to paste in what Becky wrote...
kb9kyy: 9:00
al2: is daylight savings over?
kb9kyy: no, i'm eastern time
Lao-tzu: Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like bananas
HelloKit: Nope, not til 10/26
kb9kyy: lol
al2: ok
al2: we don't have it here
kb9kyy: where are you, al2?
phoenyxx: hey everyone, I'll see you all later. got to go now :-)
al2: aridzona
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kb9kyy: lol
kb9kyy: we don't have it in Indiana, either
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HelloKit: That was pleasant...
al2: entertaining, too
Lao-tzu: uuhh?
kb9kyy: lol
HelloKit: LOL al2
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kb9kyy: why isn't there a topic?
al2: wonder if sashaa flunked the test
kb9kyy: LOL
HelloKit: ROFL!
Lao-tzu: he, he
kb9kyy: good one, al2!!!! best laugh i've had all night
Mooooooo: lol
Lao-tzu: All the way from Israel too (maybe)