Disabilities-R-Us

Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

Friendships

Mar 11, 1998

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  HandiBot
  Disabled
  MrLinux
  ChanServ
  Mooooooo ([email protected])
  gregsgg
  HelloKit ([email protected])
  jrt ([email protected])
  maggie
  Mimi ([email protected])
  usn21
  CincyKid
  TODD
  keteri
Mimi: lol
HelloKit: logging is on
*** phoenyxx has joined #Disabled
HelloKit: lol Debbie
Mimi: Simon :o)
MrLinux: hello
HelloKit: Hey Simon
phoenyxx: good evening everyone!
phoenyxx: Mimi! :-)
Mimi: how are ya?
jrt: evening:)
MrLinux: %-)
phoenyxx: hey Carly :-)
* HelloKit clears her throat...
phoenyxx: just fine Mimi.
HelloKit: Are we ready to start?
Mimi: yes :o)
MrLinux: yes
phoenyxx: ready!
phoenyxx: locked and loaded :-)
TODD: First time here what happens at 9
usn21: first for me too.
phoenyxx: TODD: I start telling bad jokes :-)
maggie: me too
Mimi: argh...
TODD: oh oh
Mimi: ;o)
maggie: lol
Mimi: watch out todd...
jrt: behave....
TODD: ok
HelloKit: Okay everyone... sorry I didn't get around to choosing a topic sooner. But as of about a half hour ago, tonight's topic is 'Friendships'.
TODD: WHOOSE IN CHARGE??????
jrt: ping me
HelloKit: First question...
phoenyxx: 9 seconds jrt
HelloKit: 12 secs Debbie
MrLinux: 13 sec
jrt: thanks:)
HelloKit: Do you think friendships are more important, less important, or equally important to you as they are to non-disabled people?
*** turbokev has joined #disabled
Mimi: hi kevin
jrt: yes I have friendships with both and they are both as important as one another:)
maggie: think more important because some disabilities precurse isolation
MrLinux: i agree
TODD: there shouldn't be a difference
Mooooooo: i think we take friendships more seriously
phoenyxx: to me just as important, some of my friends have known me years, before the chair, and I've also met many new friends who are cool about it.
Mooooooo: and are hurt far more when betrayed
phoenyxx: total agreement daniel.
MrLinux: thats true too
jrt: true daniel
phoenyxx: I almost had my show taken away by a group of 'friends' who realized hanging out with me was more than just me doing wheelies.
phoenyxx: serious betrayal
HelloKit: I can't say I've ever actually been betrayed, but I have had friendships fade away because the friend had to grow up and move on to better things while I couldn't.
*** TODD has left irc (Read error to TODD port41.owosso05.tir.com]: EOF from client)
phoenyxx: Most of my friends have been really cool about me and the chair, and very helpful when I've been down about it.
Mimi: what do you mean, 'better' things, Carly?
jrt: until I joined this channel I had only a small group of friends, but know feel that I have friends all over the world:)
MrLinux: i have been betrayed by one of my best friends that really made me upset, because i trusted them
phoenyxx: so true jrt :-)
*** TODD has joined #Disabled
HelloKit: Well, for instance, a friend once planned a roller skating party for her birthday, completely forgetting that I wouldn't be able to go.
Mimi: I thought I had a few far-away friends until I joined this channel, but now I know, from people here, what true friendship is and I'm disappointed in the others
HelloKit: As we got older my friends needed to be able to go out and be active... do 'grown-up' things that I couldn't do.
*** Disabled has left #Disabled (netsplit)
phoenyxx: Carly- back in 1994 after my show had been on a few months the group that helped me start it told me I wouldn't lose the show if the chair was less visible when we were together, so I was required to transfer to a couch and have the
phoenyxx: chair taken out of the room when taping.
TODD: its hard not to do the physical things as i did before
jrt: that sucks phoenyxx...
HelloKit: What effect do good friendships have on your ability to cope with your disability?
maggie: does family members try to do to much ...tkae the place of friends instead of being family?
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HelloKit: Not mine, Maggie.
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phoenyxx: jrt: definitely but I was in so much trouble back then, I had just gotten the chair I have now and that group was cool about it to start with but over a few months starting having a problem with it.
phoenyxx: maggie: not me
keteri: good luck at your meeting,
gregsgg: here we go
usn21: I'm connected throughy eskimo.com
maggie: thanks phoenyxx
gregsgg: well be right back
gregsgg: dinner
*** gregsgg has left irc (Leaving)
usn21: later
jrt: no most people that know my problem are amazed how I deal with it more...
MrLinux: can i say supmthing, please?
phoenyxx: has anyone else had 'friends' issue 'ultimatums' about you and your disability vs. the rest of the group?
phoenyxx: go MrLinux-
Mimi: well, since I'm so isolated here at home, my IRC friends make life SOOOO much better
jrt: yes and no???
MrLinux: i think a big part of a friendship is trust
jrt: yes scott it is
*** Jettin has joined #disabled
TODD: why do we lose some of our friends when we become disablrd???
phoenyxx: so true MrLinux
Mimi: hi Jettin
Jettin: hi everyone
Jettin: hi mimi
MrLinux: and without trust there is no true friendship
TODD: nice spelling disabled
jrt: because they are not REAL friends in the first place..
TODD: I don't that is true
phoenyxx: I didn't lose friends, but some people that came later sometimes were jerks about it, although a guy I knew from high school told me that if I ever reached a high position despite the chair he'd personally have me killed.
usn21: carly; are you starting the meeting?
TODD: its deeper than that
phoenyxx: jrt: right on the mark there :-)
HelloKit: oh jeez Simon
MrLinux: TRUST is the deepest u can get
jrt: and respect scott that is omportant too...
TODD: unconditional friendship is the most important
jrt: important
MrLinux: that is true also
phoenyxx: carly: not joking that time. Seriously, I've pissed some people off just being visible doing the things I like. The real irony is that my real friends are all able bodied except one friend from the college and all are very supportive.
phoenyxx: logging off per handibot order.
phoenyxx: out in 5 minutes....
TODD: whats that all about
maggie: go away sherrie
maggie: has been popping occ
jrt: you too maggie..
HelloKit: Do you tend to have a lot of casual friendships, or just a few close friends?
MrLinux: could u explain that
Mimi: I have just a few close friends...always have
jrt: a few close friends plus everybody on here:)
phoenyxx: for me mostly close friends, although some aquaintances have become quick friends :-)
MrLinux: i do too
HelloKit: :o)
MrLinux: that true jrt
Mimi: I've never been a very social person really
phoenyxx: I didn't say any profanity that time!
HelloKit: I have a lot of 'acquaintances', but only a few close friends.
jrt: lol
Jettin: hi maggie, stayin warm
maggie: yes trying to get handle on how to help brother
usn21: choose yo0ur friends carefully, not for what they can do fdor you but, foe their example of what you want to be and for what they can teach you.
MrLinux: close friends is a good foundation
MrLinux: to fall back on
*** CincyKid has left irc (Leaving)
Mimi: I totally agree usn
phoenyxx: me too usn
TODD: me too
jrt: yes like the saying goes,'you can choose your friends, but not your realatives'.
MrLinux: me too
TODD: lol jrt
Jettin: how is that going, maggie
usn21: it takes work
Mimi: we can chose some of our relatives :o/
jrt: well yeah I suppose,,,
maggie: talk later jettin listening to meeting now'
*** CincyKid has joined #disabled
HelloKit: For those who acquired disabilities later in life, did you find that becoming disabled affected your friendships?
Mimi: wb John
CincyKid: hmmm, having severe lag problems here
MrLinux: try irc.bluegrass.net
maggie: think disabled later shows who true friends are
HelloKit: No lag, John... 2 secs
usn21: some people are afraid to have disabled friends because they don't know what to say and/or we represent a reminder of just how fragile thyeey are too.
jrt: ummmm, its hard to say,my disablity doesn't really get noticed unless I tell them...
TODD: it wrecked some and made others stronger
phoenyxx: I've been in the chair 5 years this month (the 11th) and my orginal friends I had known since 1985, 1988, and 1990, and they were cool about it from the start.
Mimi: well, I'm not sure if it affected my friendships but since mine isn't immediately obvious I have a hard time talking about it to my friends because they get weird...I hate that
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*** |Taz| has left #disabled
phoenyxx: Mimi: out weird them then! :-) works for me with my friends :-)
MrLinux: i would not let it effect my friendships, because if they cant except u for what u r then they aint true friends
jrt: I kinda know what you mean Mimi..
usn21: yes people sort of disappeasred after I was disabled
Mimi: but I think they might get weird because I'm not comfortable with it myself, too
TODD: being disabled is not *cool* how could we change it????????????
maggie: after new disability did find friendships awkward at first..don't know what to say or do?
*** Ray-1 has joined #disabled
Mimi: hi Ray
jrt: Hi Ray:)
usn21: Good point Mimi, we need to be more cheerful and not try to obtain any pity.
Mimi: after a seizure, yep, maggie
phoenyxx: usually I've been the one who's awkward until I notice most people are ok about the chair when they first meet me.
Ray-1: Good evening, everyone!
jrt: yes well like I said no bodies knows about mine unless I tell them, then they knida move evrytihing around so I wont trip over it..
phoenyxx: one way to make disability cool- change the handicapped logo from the blue with white wheelchair logo to a armored fist clutching a cluster of lightning bolts. :-)
*** hghlndr has joined #disabled
maggie: find myself trying to 'help' when maybe I should back off
HelloKit: lol
usn21: I don't nee a cxhair anymorebut, I assure you hat people are just as wierd about my handicap
jrt: I make more of a joke out of my dissablity..
TODD: cool phoenyx
phoenyxx: jrt: I do that alot sometimes, and it works to put people at ease.
*** hghlndr has left irc (Leaving)
phoenyxx: some people are uncomfortable but most people meet me and are cool about it if they see me being at ease with it.
TODD: you set the tone with your attitude
HelloKit: What do you think can help keep friendships going after someone becomes disabled?
jrt: yes at first woth mee nayways they dont know how to reacte, then they accept it..
phoenyxx: TODD: that logo used to be on every American bomber armed with nuclear weapons btw.
usn21: that's the ticket
Mimi: openness and honesty
TODD: good info px
jrt: yes I agree mimi:)
MrLinux: yes
phoenyxx: not sure about that carly, the people that knew be before, I didn't really need to work at keeping them around. we just got back into making videos like it was no big deal.
jrt: and try not too be too obvious about the persons disablity..
MrLinux: i think, well i know i can
phoenyxx: good advice Mimi :-)
*** elisabeth has joined #disabled
Mimi: hi lisa
jrt: Hi Lisa:)
usn21: its all in our attitude
MrLinux: hello LISA
*** Amazin1 has joined #disabled
Mimi: hey Denise
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Amazin1: Mimi :)
HelloKit: Hi Lisa and Denise :o) Current question is...
Mimi: how are ya?
HelloKit: What do you think can help keep friendships going after someone becomes disabled?
jrt: yes you be relaxed and most other people will be as well
usn21: our positive attitude and smile is catching. it should become an epidemic
phoenyxx: usn21: like from the movie the stand :-)
TODD: i think you have to talk about your disability with your friends and be real open about it. we are the ones that have to keep the friendships going
elisabeth: hello
jrt: trying not to over protect the disabled friend
HelloKit: Oh yeah, people can't help but laugh when they see my face ;o)
Amazin1: great, Mimi :)
keteri: when you become disabled suddenly because of an accident...you might need a long time to recover...in the hospital physical theraphy all new life ways....so your energy and your way of life is changed ...then your friends lives go on their ususal way. and truely you still love them but you need to get through things....so i isolate friends because of that..and then once better the distance has been far and it is hard to get back to that friendshipl....lo
MrLinux: then they r just in the wrong Carly
Ray-1: brb
*** Ray-1 has left #disabled
MrLinux: they r just too pigheaded to look past that to see the real person inside
HelloKit: Hehe... I was joking, Scott...
jrt: why Carly theres nothing wrong with your face that I could see on your web page??
*** turbokev has left irc (Leaving)
Mimi: lol
jrt: okay:)
MrLinux: well, what i still said is true also
Mimi: Carly, I got your joke :o)
usn21: we have to be patient at all times with all things.
maggie: sometimes you try not to show that being disabled creates hardships and friend feel shut out by the denial
MrLinux: people need to quit judging others by their covers, it whats on the inside that counts
jrt: yes once people know my disablity they always treat me like I'm either elderly or a kid with some things
phoenyxx: what helped with myself and my friends was simply to go out and have fun with them and not worry about the chair so much.
*** Sky has joined #disabled
Sky: Moo?
Mimi: hey Sky :o)
Sky: hi hon
jrt: thats right phoenyxx
Sky: how are u?
phoenyxx: I think when people see someone with a disability out with friends like everyone else that actually helps people accept disability in general.
phoenyxx: thanks jrt :-)
Mimi: how are ya dear?
* Mimi hugs Sky
* Sky hugzs her girlie back
Mimi: hehe
Sky: whers Moo?
Jettin: yeah, but society doesn't allow that all the time, MrLinux
HelloKit: Does your disability affect your ability to make new friends?
jrt: no not really..
MrLinux: then society is in the wrong
Mimi: nah...my personality does ;o)
phoenyxx: overall Carly, I've made many new friends who have totally accepted it.
MrLinux: well thats my opinion
jrt: but my attitude is like it or lump it, if they cant accept you for what you are too bad
HelloKit: I'm really shy and do have a hard time making friends, but since I've always been disabled I don't really know whether it can be attributed to that.
Amazin1: heh..Mimi
usn21: mimi , do yopu need a personality transplant? find any donors?
Mimi: lol
HelloKit: lol
jrt: lol
phoenyxx: what's weird is that I'm sort of shy and open at the same time- wanting to meet people but always a little nervous at first.
elisabeth: at work i meet all kinds of people, with me and most people i work with, we don't see the chair or the respirator, we see the person and how they treat people
Amazin1: I'm a very open, happy, positive person...People just *flock* to me, then they notice I have a disabilty :)
phoenyxx: good one elisabeth :-)
Mimi: :o)
Jettin: what person isn't, phoenyxx
TODD: i have that problem too amaze
HelloKit: problem... lol
*** keteri has left #Disabled
phoenyxx: I had one woman watch my cable TV show, contact me to meet in person, and she didn't notice the chair on TV! I told her on the phone we needed to meet someplace accessable, and only then did she realize I was in a chair.
phoenyxx: but she's really nice though :-)
Mooooooo: i have to go
phoenyxx: true jrt :-)
Mimi: I don't think I could handle people flocking to me, I like my privacy and peace and quiet
Mooooooo: back later
Mimi: aww bye Daniel
jrt: :(
Mooooooo: bye
*** Mooooooo has left irc (Leaving)
HelloKit: bye Daniel *hugs*
phoenyxx: bye Daniel
Amazin1: problem?
MrLinux: probly mad cause i am here
elisabeth: me to mimi
HelloKit: No Scott
HelloKit: He told me earlier he would have to leave early.
jrt: I do but I like to be with my friends too:)
usn21: I must go too so goodnighyt to all.
Mimi: bye usn!
Mimi: take care
*** Sky has left #disabled
*** usn21 has left irc (Leaving)
phoenyxx: the big problem now is to get my friends to stop making 'Quickie' jokes when they see my chair :-)
HelloKit: lol
Mimi: lol
Mimi: jinx
TODD: how about a quickie
phoenyxx: 4 years using this chair and still the jokes!
*** Minnesota has joined #disabled
HelloKit: :oP Mimi
phoenyxx: TODD: just like that :-)
*** Minnesota has left #disabled
TODD: i get them too phx
HelloKit: What have you found that helps you to make friends?
elisabeth: phoenyxx, that is a given, i have quickie buttons on my board
Mimi: a computer
Amazin1: I'm guilty of that phoenyxx..my friend recently got a quickie :)
Mimi: :o)
phoenyxx: TODD: got a Quickie chair too? I have a GPV from April 1994
HelloKit: Good one Mimi :o)
Mimi: hehe
jrt: the computer and my dogs and Sarah
phoenyxx: amazin: actually the jokes are funny, I have a sense of humor about it.
TODD: me too midnight purple phx
Jettin: phoenyxx, tell them straight out, enough is enough, if their real friends they won't get affended.
jrt: or and my horse when I have them..
phoenyxx: mine is black with silver trim.
HelloKit: Jokes can be made about my 'Action' as well...
Mimi: yeah...horses if I have one :o)
phoenyxx: Jettin: no the jokes aren't too bad.
HelloKit: But not as funny as 'Quickie' jokes :o)
Jettin: but, after a while they get annoying, day in and day out
phoenyxx: what i like doing is sitting back on my rear wheels while having a casual conversation with someone, to see how long they talk to me before freaking out that I'm on two wheels :-)
TODD: how would you define FRIEND
CincyKid: gettin late, have to go unfortunately....goodnite to all.
*** CincyKid has left #disabled
jrt: night:)
Jettin: bye
maggie: bye jettin catch you nlater
MrLinux: a friend is a person that is there thoughout thick and thin, and one u can trust no matter what!
MrLinux: thats what i think
elisabeth: //
phoenyxx: total agreement :-)
jrt: trus scott:)
jrt: true
Mimi: a friend is someone who understands your needs and expects you to do the same
phoenyxx: Mimi: on the mark there :-)
Jettin: see you all later, bye
jrt: bye:)
Mimi: bye Jettin
MrLinux: thats is so true mimi
MrLinux: later
*** Jettin has left irc (Leaving)
*** sandy has joined #Disabled
Mimi: LOL
Mimi: that was Pam!
jrt: lol
Mimi: hehe
elisabeth: bye bye, have to go
*** elisabeth has left irc (Leaving)
HelloKit: lol
Mimi: s/he just won't give up, will...it?
phoenyxx: every figured out her MO? one of ParaCathy's minions?
HelloKit: lol
Mimi: lol
jrt: persisitant little s***!!!!!!
HelloKit: What advice would you give to a disabled person who is having difficulty making and/or keeping friendships?
Mimi: dunno Simon...some nutcase anyway
HelloKit: Simon... did you hear/see what happened to ParaCathy?
jrt: well it depends on there attitude for one..
phoenyxx: advice....just that real friends will hang around despite the disability.
phoenyxx: what happened to ParaCathy?
Mimi: attitude counts though
jrt: dont put yourself down
maggie: maggie leaving bedtime
HelloKit: Someone from the New Mobility message board hacked her home page and changed it all... she was stupid enough to be using her name as her password.
maggie: bye
Mimi: LOL Carly
Mimi: what did they do to it?
phoenyxx: Carly: really? I would have paid to see that :-)
jrt: Bye:)
*** maggie has left irc (maggie)
HelloKit: I wish I had seen it; I would have saved it and put it up somewhere else :o)
Mimi: rofl
Mimi: darn
TODD: would anyone ever try to contact a friend that left the relationship years ago??
jrt: yes
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Amazin1: who is paracathy?
TODD: why
jrt: Hi Raven:)
Mimi: not if they 'left', but I would if they just faded away
Raven_: hihi
Mimi: ParaCathy is a wannabe
Raven_: i missed the meeting :(
HelloKit: A sicko... she's a wannabe - she wants to be disabled for sexual reasons.
jrt: if you want to see the person again,why not..
Raven_: MIMI
TODD: does she wana be quad cathy
jrt: yes i know carly a real sicko..
Mimi: hey Raven!!
HelloKit: eek, this is being logged btw
*** Raven_ has left irc (Leaving)
phoenyxx: whole wannabe thing is weird...and some disabled people accuse legit disabled people of being wannabes so in a sense, what ParaCathy does is a double threat.
jrt: oops
HelloKit: Anyone have anything else to add to the topic of friendships before I turn off the log?
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Mimi: hi guys :o)
TODD: A TRUE PERSONS WEALTH IS MEASURED BY FRIENDS NOT MONEY
jrt: the only thing I can think of, is if you want true friends, stay on the disabled channel:)
*** MissLinux has left irc (Killed (hub.dragondata.com (hub.eskimo.com <- irc.dragondata.com 204.137.237.3] (nick collision from same [email protected]))))
END

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