Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

Memorial for our friend Keith

Nov 19, 1997

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  Mimi ([email protected])
  ChanServ ([email protected])
  HelloKit ([email protected])
judi: ready here
Susan: ready here
beetlebug: be right back
Lao-tzu: Hey Susan...er...
Lao-tzu: Deb, most everybody here knows me by Han
phoenyxx: standing by (think I know already though :-( )
haa: okay
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buy: bug. I am not sure which oner U did not get
Susan: thanks han
judi: Carly, the news?
HelloKit: As some of you know, an unexpected event this weekend has caused a change in plans for tonight's meeting...
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judi: hello Jo
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Lao-tzu: hi Jo
Jason: hello all
buy: Jo I am no longer itchie
haa: hello jo
judi: helllo Jason
Jo: Hillo Mimi,Mooooooo, bettlebug, buy, Jason, haa, jani, judi, laotzu, phoenyzz, susan.
Jason: did the meeting start yet
Lao-tzu: Carly, unexpected events are the highlights of my life, ... lets have it
Jo: sorry phoenyxx fumble fingers
HelloKit: We have lost a close friend and a very popular face here on #Disabled. This last Saturday at 10:10 PM, Keith Hodgdon (aka DopeHat) died of complications due to muscular dystrophy.
Jason: hey mooo
Jason: it was a loss for almost all here i think
Mooooooo: yes, it was
phoenyxx: hard to beleive- he never let on that he had gotten that much worse.
Lao-tzu: Oh my, so sorry to hear that.
Jason: even though i only had a chance to talk with him a few times i know that i will miss him
phoenyxx: me too Jason.
**** Jason gives mimi a huge hug
judi: I can't seem to get it off my mind, even though I didn't know him that well
haa: it is time to cry now
beetlebug: i think we're all sorry to see him go
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HelloKit: I'm sorry if I get too quiet or bore you all too much tonight, but I'm just not in much shape to conduct a normal meeting. So instead, we're just going to use this as a sort of memorial service for Keith.
Susan: thanks carly
phoenyxx: that's ok carly.
Mooooooo: im so mixed with emotions. i'm going to miss him so much, but I cant not be happy ovet the fact that he is out of the pain he was in
judi: Wasn't something being organized that we could do as a group?
phoenyxx: but this is one time I might be quiet- I feel bad but I never know what to say when things like this happen.
Susan: er just found out on monday night
Mooooooo: if anyone would like an address to send a card to his family, I have it
HelloKit: I didn't know what to say either, Simon. I still don't.
Jo: Mooooooo please send address.\
Mimi: thanks Jason
Mooooooo: Pam and Ken Hodgdon
Mooooooo: 13249 East 46th Street South
Mooooooo: Tulsa OK 74134
judi: Does anyone else have muscular dystrophy?
Mooooooo: I think its important to know how much we loved him
phoenyxx: it seems surreal- like you don't believe the first few times you hear about it. gt; Judi, several other people here do
Mimi: Keith was a great friend, one of the best. I'll miss him so much.
phoenyxx: I try to get something to his family as soon as possible.
Mimi: so much :o(
Susan: i found out from talking to Keith's mother
Jason: i still can't believe it
buy: Bug did u leave?
Susan: it was a really hard conversation we had but she was so sweet and caring and so glad that i had called so that we would know
judi: How are his parents holding up?
Mimi: that poor lady :o(
Mooooooo: i wrote his family today just to tell them about the good times we all had
Mimi: I can't even imagine what it must be like to lost a son
Jo: Thakyou.
Susan: ok i guess. before i could even ask where keith had been she blurted out that he had died on Saturday night
phoenyxx: pardon that folks,
Jason: i still look for him to pop in the room and spread a
cheerful thought among us
judi: who was that?
Susan: i was shocked -- we talked for a while -- she cried a little and it was awkward but i'm glad that we found out
Susan: i've barely thought of another thing since i talked to her
Jo: I'll get a note and card off tomorrow from here.
Mooooooo: thanks Jo :o)
Jo: Mooooooo how old was Keith.
Jason: 23
Susan: 23
Mimi: I need a while to organize my thoughts...I have a 400 page log from the channel and I'm going to read it and include some of our best moments in my letter to his family
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Mimi: hi Denise
Jo: That is nice Mimi
judi: I have thought a lot today about the illnesses that bring
us all together and give us a bond, no matter what our ages,
races, beliefs, etc.
Mooooooo: that would be wonderful :o)
HelloKit: I'm sorry you guys... I just don't know what else to
say. This is the third friend I have lost this year.
Jason: he was so young
Amazin1: Hi all
Mimi: *hugs* Carly
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Jo: Hi Amazin1
Jason: hello amazin1
judi: Sorry Carly, I've lost a Dad and a mother-in-law this year
Jason: i'm really sorry to hear that hellokit
Mooooooo: hi Denise :o)
Amazin1: Hi, Moooooo
Amazin1: how are ya? :)
Jason: i guess i lucky i haven't lost anyone yet this year
Mimi: I have a story to tell about Keith if you all want to hear it
Jo: Yeah we all have things that bring us together. But these things show we are just like everyone else. We go through birth, little Alex, pians of life and death, Keith just like other people.
Susan: please do mimi
Mimi: :o)
phoenyxx: go Mimi
judi: You always think that death gets easier to accept as you get older but it doesn't
Jason: yes please mimi
Mooooooo: i do
Jo: please mimi
Jason: death is never easy to handle
judi: me too Mimi
Mimi: One day Keith and Daniel and I were all in the channel chatting, and Keith suddenly disappeared for over 30 minutes...
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Mimi: Daniel and I continued talking, and I was telling him all about how I was going through this depression and how hard it was, etc.
Mimi: Then Keith came back, and when we asked him where he was
Mimi: he said that he had tilted his head back too far and got stuck that way, and had to wait for someone to come find him...
Mimi: I was aghast at the thought :o(
Mimi: However,
Mimi: Keith immediately messged me and wanted to know if I was ok and let me know that he was there if I needed to talk
phoenyxx: wow
Mimi: I was so shamed that I was complaining about my nothing problems and Keith was right there for me when he was going throuhg so much
Mimi: Thats just the kind of person he was
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Susan: too true
Mimi: And he never said a word of complaint about that, did he Daniel?
haa: i am crying again
Mooooooo: nope, never did
judi: Not to be ashamed Mimi, we all have those times. Sounds like he was just a special angel
Jason: i know what you mean
Mimi: he was, judi :o)
phoenyxx: It's like I said, I don't think he every mentioned much about his disability. He never really let on that things were so bad.
Mooooooo: no, he never directly said anything
Jason: for all the longer i've been using this channel he has always been there for us and to help us with our problems while he only got worse
Mooooooo: just that he had some pain
phoenyxx: and I have been here since May telling everyone how much things sucked for me.
Susan: i talked to him nearly every night for a long time most nights for several months and he never let on that things were so bad -- i knew of a few aches and pains, mobility problems and other annoyances but never knew the extent of it
judi: Maybe it helped him forget his problems by helping others
phoenyxx: I feel like the world's biggest jerk right about now.
Mimi: yep, he was honest about how he felt but didn't want it to be a big deal
Mimi: why, simon?
Jason: i think that might of been true judi
Jo: Don't feel that way phoenyxx
Susan: he said that complaining didn't make him feel better, didn't change anything (not my own attitude, but a nice one nonetheless)
Jason: he was always a helpful listening friend to me
phoenyxx: Mimi, look at what was happening to him over the past few months and look at the things I'd come here griping about or telling stupid jokes.
Susan: simon it's ok, eh?
Jason: he would listen to anything i would throw at him and still help me out
judi: Sometimes it helps to complain Simon. If we can't be honest here, where can we be?
Jo: phoenyxx you made him feel better, useful in way he could be, helping you.
Mimi: simon, we all have out own way of dealing with things, hon
Mimi: out = our
Susan: i complained about bs you can't believe -- work problems, total idiocies -- Keith was always glad to listen and even to offer advice -- no one complains more than i (and i have a lot less to complain about than most on here)
Jason: i never even had a clue how bad he was until i found out what happened
Mooooooo: simon, i think we all liked your jokes, even if we didnt get them all :o)
phoenyxx: true judi but I honestly want to do something for other people and it really gets to me that I never once asked him how he was doing.
Jo: phoenyxx sometimes thats what we get on here to forget, last question we want asked.
judi: All of us care about each other, at least I know I have come to care for all of you
Susan: i even subjected Keith to several hours of complaining about how sick i am of dating and the litany of losers i've met -- i wish i hadn't done that
Jason: same here
Mooooooo: you all are my best friends
* Susan hugs Daniel
Mimi: I feel the same way, Daniel :o)
Jason: if you are here i will be a set of ears that you can tell anything to
Mooooooo: thanks :o)
Jason: adn i hope to be as big of a help as keith was
judi: I don't know how the rest of you feel, but I feel like I get support and acceptance here that is hard to find in other places.
Jason: i feel the same here
phoenyxx: I remember when I first came here back in May, it felt so good to chat with different disabled people and not
Mooooooo: judi, thats what I wrote in my letter to his parents...
Mooooooo: when he first started coming here, he never said a word
phoenyxx: feel any of the one-upmanship I've seen elsewhere. And Keith was here acting so casual about his own situation.
Jason: it's hard for me to get respect when people see my chair or diapers or such
phoenyxx: Jason I can relate to that.
Lao-tzu: Well Carly, it seems spirituality has remained the main issue, albeit through the loss of a friend, he still has us extoling his spirituality and in so doing we discover some of our own.
Mooooooo: until one day when he told us that he was going to die
Amazin1: nice kick Mooooo
Mooooooo: and how it would happen
Jo: Same here Jason
Jason: very well done
Susan: i missed that moo
Mooooooo: i think he was waiting for rejections
judi: That was good Moooooooo, I'm still working on my note to them. Its hard because all three of my kids are in their 20's and I can't help but comparing.....
Susan: but i did some research on my own and talked to him about it
Mooooooo: and nobody rejected him
Susan: i'm still doing my card too
Mooooooo: and thats when he opened up to all of us
Jason: i will have to make sure to send a card and mabey alittle something extra
phoenyxx: it just bothers me not knowing.
Jason: not knowing waht phoen
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phoenyxx: not knowing what's going on with someone, make me feel really insensitive.
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Mimi: hi Ket :o)
Jason: hello wood
woodgirl: hi everyone
Jo: hello woogirl.
woodgirl: hi jo
Amazin1: hi woodgirl :)
Jason: i know what you mean phoen
phoenyxx: hello woodgirl
woodgirl: and amazin
judi: Do you read minds Simon? If not you couldn't have known. Hi woodgirl
woodgirl: hi judi
Lao-tzu: hi woodgirl
woodgirl: hi lao
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phoenyxx: I know judi but it still upsets me. I've met people with a sprained ankle trying to tell me they know what it's like not being able to walk, and I'd see Keith here with MD seeming so casual about it, not complaining or
Jason: hello han
phoenyxx: comparing his situaiton to everyone else's.
judi: Carly, I wish you would say something. Your silence worries me.
Lao-tzu: hi Jason
hanover9: hi Jason where are you calling from
woodgirl: hi Jason!
hanover9: o hi Jason
HelloKit: I'm sorry, Judi.
Jason: i meant to say fit
Mooooooo: i think it sets an example for all of us
hanover9: no
judi: Are you ok?
Jo: Oh I was beginning to think you disability was split personality.
Mooooooo: and it did re-define our mission here
Mimi: yep, that's what I was saying too
phoenyxx: true Daniel
HelloKit: Yeah, I'm okay.
haa: i do not like to talk about how bad i am disabled
Mooooooo: we are taking our meetings to so much more positive things
hanover9: yess
judi: Could you expand on that Daniel?
Jo: haa that is the nice thing about here. You don't have to if you don't want to.
Mooooooo: and its because of Keith
Mimi: that's so true
Mooooooo: he set an example that we should let people know how we are, but not to bitch idly about everything
judi: Yes, he was always upbeat
phoenyxx: one of the things I'm finally getting therapy for is feeling guilty about everything. Coming here, it's one of the few places that people treated their disabilities equally. Seeing Keith handle things the way he did was really something.
Lao-tzu: I was born in Indonesia. When somebody passes away people actaully feel happy for the person departing. People dress in white and dance in honour of the diceased. We all feel bad and yet should perhaps give a little thought to this.
phoenyxx: exactly Daniel.
Mooooooo: I agree Han.
hanover9: agree
HelloKit: Good point, Han.
Susan: the bad feeling is pretty much the selfish aspect of it, Lao-tzu, I think
judi: I like to believe that when a person dies they enter an eternally, peaceful, painfree existence.
Mimi: one thing I can say is that I'm glad he's no longer in pain...he was in so much pain
Jason: i feel like such an ass coming here and spilling out my guts about how bad i was while poor keith was far worse than i could ever be
Mooooooo: I'm not sad for Keith, his pain is gone and thats a welcome thing. I'm sad for the loss of his companionship
Jo: Lao-tzu I've read about many religions and like the way some look upon death as a rebirth, a beginning not an end.
Mimi: Yes, susan, we're feeling sorry for ourselves
Susan: me too mooo -- memorial services are definitely for the living
Mooooooo: as well as sad for the loss all of us are feeling
phoenyxx: Jason that is exactly how I feel.
Jo: Mooooooo memorial services aren't for the deceased, they are to help the living cope and go on.
* Jason gives phoenyxx a big hug
phoenyxx: thank you.
Jason: np
judi: Hospice has really helped me cope with my dad's death
Mimi: recently the mother of one of my best friends died, and I spent four days crying because I knew that my friend would be in so much pain, not because I felt bad for her mother
Jason: i feel the same jo
Jason: it's funny how we will cry for what may seem like no reason at all but it is a very good reason
Jo: My dad ran a cemetery when I was little and I spent a lot of time playing there. Guess I have a different outlook on it all.
Susan: i'm not a religious person but decided to look up the text of the traditional Jewish prayer for the dead -- it made me feel (slightly) better to say it
hanover9: letstake a moment to think of the best it can be for keithright now he could be freed from the confines of his troubled body and running down a slightly wooded medow with a smile on his face
Mooooooo: As much as I want to run away at the moment, i know that we all have to be here for the next Keith
judi: They sent one booklet about coping with the holidays coming up. It suggests changing routines, in a way that is what is happening here, a change from negative to positive
Susan: keith added a lot to our lives but we added significantly to his as well --even with our griping ;-) -- and i think we can feel good about that
Mooooooo: Yep, I feel very happy about that Susan :o)
judi: I do too Susan.
Jo: Mooooooo you can't run from death anywhere in this world. But we can face life and not run from it.
hanover9: we can feel a loos at his parting but it is some comfort that he verry well may be in eternal peace
Susan: me too y'all -- it's the only thing that makes me feel good about it
Susan: the thought that we were there for him and did all we could as the sort of friends we are through this rather 'futuristic' almost medium
Lao-tzu: I didn't know Keith all that well, however from everything I have seen so far, I believe we should take a moment and celebrate all his achievements rather than mourn his departure.
Jason: i loke to think that when i cry for a person, or feel bad at that, that that person has made an impression on my life and when i cry i'm letting myself know that that impression is goneand that that person who made the impression is gone and is sorrowfully not going to be able to make anouther impression on the next person who wanders by
Mimi: I think we meant a lot to Keith :o)
Mooooooo: computer friendships are very different, but very real
Mimi: sometimes they're more real
phoenyxx: I need to leave in a minute. sorry about that but I at least wanted to drop by for this.
phoenyxx: true mimi.
judi: How true
Jason: mooo they are very real
Mimi: thanks for coming Simon :o) *hugs*
* HelloKit gives phoenyxx a hug.
phoenyxx: hugs back to mimi. :-)
Susan: they sure are real but try explaining it to flesh and blood friends
phoenyxx: thank you carly.
Lao-tzu: bye Simon
judi: Night Simon
phoenyxx: I can relate to that Susan.
Jason: later simon
Mimi: true susan :o) they think we're nuts
* Susan hugs Simon
phoenyxx: bye everyone.
phoenyxx: :-) Susan.
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Jo: Thats their problem. Ignore them and do what makes you happy.
phoenyxx: see you all later, and I'll try to get something out to Keith's family in the next few days.
haa: bye
Mimi: good advice, Jo
Amazin1: I must be going also...take care and *hugs* to all :)
judi: hugs back, bye
Mimi: Bye Denise! :o)
Lao-tzu: by Denise
Mimi: *hugs*
Jo: My hubby is happy I am on here. Friends think it's crazy. I feel I get to meet people in my own situation that understand and not people who try to adopt me as their pet cripple to make themselves look important.
haa: bye denise
Jo: bye denise
Jason: later
Jo: I've had 25 years of some of these so-called friends and don't need anymore.
judi: Who has friends? Mine tend to wander away because I can no longer join in
hanover9: jo we do acept you and arev here to suporrt you in your trials
Mimi: I'm just here because I like the people here. They're real. :o)
Mimi: and fun, too :o)
judi: uplifting
Lao-tzu: I'm a real 'sit down' comedian...
Mimi: heh
Jo: I complain, blame it on Jewish great grandfathers genes, but after all these years I am used to most of it and just go day by day. Really they said I would be dead at 40 and I am 51 and still here. Even do research for historical society and column weekly. I don't fear death, I challenge it.
judi: Good attitude Jo
haa: say something funny han
hanover9: jo if you can say that you have one true friend in a life time youare lucky,ordinary people come and go all of the time but that true friend will be at your side always
Jo: I am laziest person in world and it takes less muscles to smile than to frown so I just paste one on and off I go.
Mimi: yep, han, I agree
Jo: I have true friends, but have learned how to spot others in
life. Especially when their gossip reaches me. Hate word poor
cirpple used in context with my name. Burns me up.
judi: ME TOO
Jo: My chair must be humungeous cause that is all some people
see, not my brain or my sense of humor.
Jo: Keith let all of us see him as a person, the way he wanted
to be seen, not a disease.
hanover9: jo it all depends or how you take wordsi use "gimp when
refering to my own handicap the words do not bother me but if i
can say something negitive about my own dissibility it takes some
of themistery or pressure of being around a dissibility of others
judi: Have to go. I've set an hour on my typing limits. My prayers
and thoughts will be with all of you
HelloKit: *hugs* judi
hanover9: thanks judi
Jo: chihuahua is trying to get up on keyboard again. Thinks it can
type. I accept my disability but want to be recognized as more
than a chair, I want them to see the person in it and treat me
accordingly. Selfish I know. But some bubas around here really tic
me off at times. MCP and scared of anything different. Afraid they
might catch it. Stupidity.
Jo: It is very important that we educate the people of this world.
hanover9: jo most people in this world are ignorant and afraid of us
Jo: They are afraid of their own immortality and we remind them of
it so they fear us.
hanover9: we remind them both of their own mortality and the fact
that they may not be as strong as they think because they may not
be able to handel what we have been given
Jo: sorry mortality not immortality. They think they are immortal.
Susan: thanks Lao-tzu
Mimi: it's beautiful :o)
Jo: That must have been one heck of a black out you all had up there.
Mimi: wb guys :o)
haa: time to leave this sweat sorrow
hanover9: yes mortality thought i deleted theim jo
Mimi: I hope Daniel's ok
HelloKit: Did he leave while we were split?
Jo: Now that you are all back on line, I gotta go. Ferret face is
due to call and don't want him to worry needlessly. Take care
hugs to all. Jo
Mimi: bye Jo! *hugs*
haa: goodbye