Created by and for people with physical disabilities.

The Holiday Blues

Dec 09, 1998

This is an archival transcript of one of our past meetings. We don't have scheduled topical meetings anymore, but we're not opposed to the idea of bringing them back if someone is willing to commit to hosting them on a "long term" basis.

Participants already present:
  Mooooooo ([email protected])
  ChanServ ([email protected])
Lonewolf: ok Holiday Blues
Lily: yes
Lonewolf: 1.Do you experience more depressive thoughts during the holiday season?
suze: i'm afraid i don't have them
Lily: im strung out already
Lily: i do
Kim^^: i do too
suze: ok, talk about it
Lily: too much happening
Wakemon: not this year
zelda: miss my family seems harder during the holidays
suze: yes, this year i got an early start so i don't feel so stressed
Lily: too many things that i have to do, rather than want to do
suze: I've spaced out my activities and started early
zelda: i did shopping by internet so didnt have to brasve the malls this year
suze: can u reduce your activities
zelda: that was a big help
Lily: yes, suze, im trying to
suze: my friend and i decided some things we will do this year, others next year
zelda: lily can you bring it back down to what you want to do
Kim^^: talking doesn't help what i feel i want my mama back and kids still live with dad soi i don't think avout it and pretend happy:)
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judi: ok
suze: kim, do u have ppl to spend holidays with?
zelda: Kim i understand miss my father and grandmother
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suze: r there compromises that can be made in seeing kids?
Lily: but, zelda, than family and frinds wud be disappointed
Kark: I kinda am but know I might be worried about venting
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zelda: i mean try to comprimise Lily
zelda: and i bet they would not be as disapointed as ling as you spent time wiht them and were not frazzled and tired from
zelda: trying to do everything
suze: sometimes we must put ourselves before others
Lily: i try to spread things out
suze: especially where your health is concerned
Lonewolf: 2. What do you do to decrease your depression?
Kim^^: my children do not want to see me and i'm scared to see them:(
Lily: but am exhausted by boxing day
zelda: and lily you will be happier if you do what you want and your family will pick up o this and enjoy the holiday more
Lonewolf: Kim why are you scared to see them
Lily: i think u right, zelda
Kim^^: i don't think about it is how i hold it down
suze: yes, give yourself permission to control what happens to you
suze: take charge
Kim^^: cuz the boy tried to slit my throat when he lived here and still says he will:)(
Lonewolf: your son?
Lily: kim, thats awful
Kim^^: yes'
suze: r u depressed kim? do you take anything for depression?
zelda: I focus on the things I enjoy about the holiday and rember my family in a happy way and not dwell on them being gone
Lonewolf: so you just repress it?
Kim^^: but he's my boy:)
Lonewolf: yes
Kim^^: yes repress am on antidepressant yes suze
woz: how old
suze: ok, good
Kim^^: 18 bnow
Kim^^: 15 when he tried to kill me
Lonewolf: I get very depressed because I can't do like I used to
Lonewolf: he lives with his father?
zelda: yes Lone that is frustrating
suze: i know how difficult that is LW, I try to be thankful for what i do have
suze: what i can still do
zelda: i agree suze
suze: and remember that there are others who r much worse off than i
Lonewolf: this year is really hard because we are tighter on money and drew names with kids and spouses
Kim^^: mny son? don't know where he is right now father chaSed ghinm off at gunpoint?
zelda: I get sooo tired at times
woz: old memories die hard
Lonewolf: oh Kim so sorry
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zelda: but lone rember the reason for holiday
Kim^^: :)
Lily: ahhhhh
Lonewolf: yes but it is the first year I have not had big present for each one
suze: i find that there are lots of things ppl can do that cost nothing or very little money
suze: u just have to be inventive
suze: there all alive and that is a great present indeed
Lonewolf: suze I have been trying to make things and it has really hurt me
Kim^^: yes i got both of my kids portable cd players with marboro miles
suze: and so are u, and that is joyful for all of them
zelda: one thing i started giving my stepmother and she loves it is one full day where I do what ever she would like with her
Lonewolf: neat Kim
Lonewolf: that's good zelda
suze: that's great zelda
Kim^^: neaT but they won'tr think so judi:(
zelda: that could be spending the weekend wiht her helping her clean house, going swimming wiht her cooking her favorite meal
Lonewolf: this IS depressing me
suze: i am taking three of my closest friends to the theatre for three different plays, all of which i got for free for doing volunteer work for these organizations
Lily: my hubby gave me a cleaning lady one year
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Kark: yes
Lonewolf: my biggest talent is lying in bed
Lily: my hubby gave me a cleaning lady one year
suze: omg lily, that'
zelda: then lone what about story time wiht them sharing memories
suze: s best gift ever, lol
Kim^^: myt sister brings in a cleaning crew too lily:)
Lily: lol, yup
suze: u know what i gave my niece last year
zelda: lisenting to music with them
Kim^^: ?
suze: didn't cost a penny
Kim^^: ?
Lily: babysitting gift certificates
Lily: ??
suze: i wrote out on little pieces of paper all the things about her that r special to me
Lonewolf: u guys are all mobile
suze: so she could read one for each day of the year
zelda: how neat suze
suze: she has kept them all!!!!!
suze: u could do that on the couch
Lonewolf: what means do you use to raise spirits?
Kim^^: that is nice sauze i might actually try that with my daughter thanks:)
Lily: i called the cdn mint and otdered coin proof sets
woz: judi you give the gift of love it is the most precious of all
Kark: I help decorate the tree at work and standing made my hips and leg hurt
Kark: it made me feel bad that I can keep up anymore
suze: i play christmas music at home
Lonewolf: thanks max
zelda: ill tel you i take prozac has helped my hips immensxly
suze: i decorate my home and really enjoy it
suze: me too zelda, prozac rules
Lily: me too, suze
Kark: also the pressures of shopping hurts too
Sue: I try remember the don't get too hungry, angry, lonely, tired and practice as much as I can
Lonewolf: personally I feel frantic right now
Kim^^: i don't try tp lift my spirits just don't go around anyone so they don'tr habe to dea;
Kim^^: why judi?
woz: judi explain
Lonewolf: well today for instance
zelda: i have not decorated yet been too busy wiht work but going to start this weekend and do a little at a time
Wakemon: am i lagging?
Lonewolf: I had a list of thins to do a mile ling
suze: i ask for help when i need it
Lonewolf: I tried to sit at sewing machine and started blacking out
Lily: 7 sec.
Wakemon: thanx lily
zelda: lone you need to take small tasks and not get overwhelmed wiht a big list and do what you can
suze: last year, i had tree trimming party and my friends came over and literally put my tree and all the decorations up w/me
Lonewolf: made it back here and pretended I had just come back to channel to chat'
woz: judi you try to carry the world on your sholders
Lonewolf: I know max
suze: this year, my mom came over and helped me get started w/decorations and i was able to finish by myself
woz: you help ppl in chat
Lonewolf: didn't get work done
suze: when u need help, ask for it
Lonewolf: lol
Lily: no, not that work, judi, but different
zelda: cool suze i do that every year wiht tree and everyone loves it
Lonewolf: everybody in my family is either busy or pregnant ruight now
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woz: you give so much of your self to others you have nothing to give your self
zelda: i cant get tree up by myself they have a grand ole time
atrpilot: ph.no.
suze: we need to stop being so selfless and ask others for help
Lonewolf: ok les go on
Lily: then, do less, judi, accept it
woz: let someone cary part of the load
Lonewolf: 3. Do you experience suicidal thoughts?
suze: does your family know how u feel or are you keeping that from them?
zelda: people like to help we just have to be willing to accept help
suze: YES< zelda
Lonewolf: part of family is here
suze: absolutely
zelda: as my grandmother use to tell me quit being so darn independent
suze: do they know?
Lily: true
Lonewolf: and she better not try to help right no
Lonewolf: Cindy?
CindyB: I'm here
suze: o i c
zelda: hahahahhaha lone right
Lonewolf: explain how busy everyobne is
CindyB: Husband and daughter are always out of town, sons are out of town
suze: is it possible to hire a high schooler to help out for awhile?
CindyB: she doesn't want me around, afraid I'll barf on her
Lonewolf: she's pregnant
CindyB: lol
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CindyB: But she really had no one
suze: bet alot of kids whould like to earn some money for christmas
Lonewolf: maybe suze
Lily: brb
zelda: im heading to shower check yall out later
Lonewolf: lets go on to next question
zelda: night all
suze: talk to someone at local high scholl
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Lonewolf: do I ned to repost question
Lonewolf: 3. Do you experience suicidal thoughts?
suze: anyone?
Lonewolf: anyone?
Driveshaf: nope
Wakemon: nope
Kark: no but I do wonder whats the use of making much of an effort
Lonewolf: ok
suze: if anyone does, please don't be afraid to tell someone and get help
Mooooooo: i did
Lonewolf: what did you do Daniel?
Mooooooo: i got help
Mooooooo: got meds
Mooooooo: got better
Lonewolf: to allieviate the situation
Lonewolf: ok
Mooooooo: now i gots my Laura :o)
suze: i suggest that when ppl feel depressed they seek help and try not to be too isolated from others
atrpilot: ph.no.
Lonewolf: suze you can't always do that
suze: want it charlie
suze: it can be on phone too
atrpilot: no
suze: no??
Lonewolf: I hate to talk because it upsets Cindy
Lonewolf: but I have thought planned even
suze: no, u need to say how u feel
atrpilot: kidding
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wacky: I hate holidays
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Lonewolf: would like to leave country during christmas
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CindyB: You can tell them, I'll go get a drin and go potty
Lonewolf: ok
Lily: back
Lonewolf: get very depressed and can't talk to anyone suze
Lily: me too, judi:)
Lonewolf: black hole
suze: i would suggest you see someone and take antidepressants
Lonewolf: I'm sure Daniel knows what I am talking about
suze: i take anti-d and it has changed my whole life
Lonewolf: I do
suze: i've been there too LW
Kark: When I get depressed I might start to but then I shy off
suze: believe me, i was really bad off
Lily: holidaysvery stressful
Kark: Specially around the holidays
woz: i will be glad to discuss depression wit anyone at any time i have had personal experience
Lonewolf: For me Christmas reminds me of everything bad
suze: is there not one person you can really talk to about this who you trust
wacky: its abunch of lies holiday u see ppl u never see otherwise say I love you and u barely know then, tell em things a wonderful even if they suck it a bit of an act
Kark: around the holidays people to busy to listen
Lonewolf: wonderfully stated brian
Lily: i agree, wacky
suze: wow, i feel very differently
Lonewolf: suze whe I get to the talk stage I talk to husband
suze: it seems to me that ppl are more friendly, cheery
suze: that's been my experience
suze: am i the only one?
Camille3: you no ppl xmas isn't about uu
wacky: too cheery if ask me
suze: lol
Lonewolf: true Cam
suze: no such thing
Mooooooo: i gotta run
Mooooooo: bye ya'll
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woz: i have alos seen mu daughter comatos
suze: I'm cheery all the time
Lily: suze, what city is this?????????
suze: u must hate me
suze: chicago
Lonewolf: max sos sorry
suze: but, i guess i'm talking about my interaction w/my friends
woz: do not be
wacky: suze send me a bit of u for christmas
Lily: no, just hasnt been my expeience
Camille3: no suze is same here in st louis
suze: i'm just so grateful for my health and what i have and what i look forward to
suze: that i don't let anyone get me down
Sue: bye ya'll - gotta go
Lonewolf: good attitude
suze: i am excited every day
woz: i have been a conservat for 2 ppl who have had depression
suze: i wasn't always like this though
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Kark: I am going to say good night
suze: u can look at things in so many different ways
wacky: NITE Karen
Lonewolf: 4. Does the preparation for Christmas contribute to your depression?
CindyB: I'm back, but have to go..great seeing you all.
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Lily: yes, is hectic
suze: i'm sorry, maybe i'm bringing ppl down w/my cheer
suze: don't leave on account of me
wacky: not depression just a feeling of isolation
Lonewolf: no suze good for us
Kark: Thanks wacky, night night. And I will say YES to #$
Kark: 4
suze: i told someone this story the other night and they laughed
woz: as a conservator i also have some knowledge about the law
Lonewolf: ok I'll tell on Lily
Lily: lol, what i do now???????
Lonewolf: she has social obligations because of husband's job
Lonewolf: is hard for her
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Lonewolf: adds strsss
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atrpilot: suze you pep ppl up need more like you
Lily: well, i just say no, i cant entertain
suze: one christmas many years ago when i was in college, broke and living in a tiny studio someone gave me a small christmas tree
suze: i put it on top of a table and decorated it
suze: that little tree made me soo happy in that dingy place, i kept it up til april
Lily: but stress comes when i then feel guilty
suze: every night i would light it up and just enjoy it
Lonewolf: 5. Are your family get togethers stressful?
wacky: YES
Lonewolf: suze we could use a dose of you all around
Lily: lol, yes
suze: thx
suze: seriously, i had that tree up til april, and it really put me in a good mood!!!!!!
Lily: sprinkle suze on eggnog
Lonewolf: great
suze: yes, family get-togethers can be stressful
Lonewolf: our family has 2 type get togethers-great and awful
suze: i try to plan my arrival with enough time for me to rest
wacky: feel like a w/c user in a house full of stairs.... wiat that is what happens every time: no wonder!
Lily: lol
suze: i often lay down at some point for an hour or so between events since we go to two different homes on christmas
Lonewolf: everyone comes to my house because of that wacky
Lily: suze, i cant lay down, am running events
suze: i pace myself
suze: sure u can
suze: let family take over
Lonewolf: do any of you have the one person has to be in a rotten mood thing
suze: that's what i would do
Lily: yup
suze: not really
suze: haven't exp that
wacky: yea well I tried that IT didnt work remember how pissed I was at thanksgiving
suze: lily, let the others take over
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Lonewolf: hubby and I bet on which one it will be each holiday
Lily: o, dont go back in there, wacky
suze: wow, that happens all the time?
suze: one person in bad mood?
Lonewolf: yes
wacky: oops I peeved a bot I forgot
Lonewolf: high strung
suze: i would steer clear of them, i guess
Lonewolf: 6. If you had to chose, who would you spend Christmas with?
suze: or overwhelm them w/my cheer
Lonewolf: lol
Lily: hmmmmmmmmm
suze: to the point where they either join in or leave, lol
Lily: lol
Lonewolf: I give them the I'm still your mother look
suze: my family
wacky: Someone with an accessible home!
suze: i don't see them so much that i'm sick of them
Lonewolf: ahh
Lily: my friend
Lily: s
suze: i love holidays
Lonewolf: I would spend Christmas with my dad
Camille3: my kids
wacky: I hate depending on others for things I can normally do my self
Lonewolf: yes
wacky: but in reality... one more chirstmas with my dad
Lonewolf: 7. Do you push yourself to the extreme during the holidays?
Lonewolf: me too brian
Lily: i like having good frinds at table
suze: not me
wacky: YES
Lonewolf: I miss him
Lily: yes
Lonewolf: yes
Camille3: a little
suze: i don't do anything i don't feel capable of or want to do
Lily: i get strung out
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wacky: so do I judi
Lily: is very stressful
Lily: yes, i miss mom and dad
Lonewolf: 8. Do you incorporate rest and proper diet into your schedule?
suze: yes
wacky: Rest??
Lily: i try to
suze: completely
suze: i do
wacky: wish I culd
Lily: hard to rest tho
Lonewolf: I think we have found suze's secret
suze: lol
Lily: what???
suze: yes, i do all those things
Lonewolf: she takes care of herself so she can enjoy
suze: absolutely
Lily: hmmmmmmmm
suze: and nobody wants to see me get sick or stressed out either
Lonewolf: diet is hard though
wacky: but for me holidays are a drag race, but the onlthing I am dragging is my body up and down stairs
Lonewolf: all those goodies
suze: so, although it may seem selfish that i don't overtax myself, everyone wins in the end
Lonewolf: yes
suze: i don't feel i have to eat everything that day
suze: i take lots of food home w/me
suze: and savor for the next week
Lonewolf: everybody leaves the food here
suze: then u don't have to worry about it
Lonewolf: Cindy left 6 pies at THanksgiving
Lonewolf: 6
suze: OMG
suze: wow
Lonewolf: felt obligated to eat as much as possible
suze: pie for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Lonewolf: exactly
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suze: that's why we have freezers
Lonewolf: lol
suze: freeze and eat at leisure
Lonewolf: well any closing thoughts?
woz: hugs all
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Lonewolf: hugs max
suze: i hope anyone who is feeling badly has others to talk to
suze: and pls ask for help for yourself
suze: merry christmas
suze: enjoy
Lonewolf: wakemomyou haven't said a word
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Lonewolf: thanks suze
Lonewolf: Kim?
Lonewolf: Lily?
Lily: night
Lonewolf: nite sis
Lily: no:)
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